Friday, November 27, 2009
A decision...
I have decided to shut down my blog. There are a lot of reasons, but thank you to all who have read and supported me as I have written. I just wanted everyone to know so you wouldn't all be like what happened to her blog??? I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year, and a wonderful life! :)
Sunday, November 15, 2009
November Happenings
Just thought I would write about what we have been up to, plans for the next few weeks. Because, really, I am just bored at the moment. We ended up going to A Christmas Carol in 3D last night. I liked that it was a more accurate retelling of the story, but it was kind of boring at times. There were parts I liked, parts I didn't. But I have to say watching movies in 3D is a new experience. Its quite cool actually. I really wonder if one day we will be totally immersed in movies where we feel like we are there. Technology is amazing.
So coming up this week, we are going to be picking up Elder Robite from the airport on Thursday. It seems like he just left, its just crazy. But it will be nice to have him home. He's such a good guy.
Then that night, we decided since we were going to be in Salt Lake anyway, we would have a mini getaway to the Anniversary Inn. I can't wait, it should be fun. Its always nice to get away and be alone for awhile.
Then for Thanksgiving the next week we will be with Nate's family again, but in the morning we get to see New Moon, which I am SOOOO excited about! :) Plus we get to see it at my favorite theater!
The next day will be not so fun though, because Nate is going to try to pull like a 15 hour day because he gets double time and a half. Which hopefully will pay for a small Christmas for us. Then that week he will start his mon-fri shift! I am so glad he got that shift so he can start going to all of church with me. And just being on a somewhat normal schedule.
So that's what we have been up to. Nothing terribly exciting but our life rarely is, at least that's what I think when I see other people look at life. But it is ours and right now we are just trying to work through one thing at a time. But I am hoping and wishing and praying SO hard that we will be in our own place by next Christmas. But I guess we will just have to see how everything ends up. But I'm still hoping.
Hope you all are enjoying the holiday season which is swiftly approaching. :)
So coming up this week, we are going to be picking up Elder Robite from the airport on Thursday. It seems like he just left, its just crazy. But it will be nice to have him home. He's such a good guy.
Then that night, we decided since we were going to be in Salt Lake anyway, we would have a mini getaway to the Anniversary Inn. I can't wait, it should be fun. Its always nice to get away and be alone for awhile.
Then for Thanksgiving the next week we will be with Nate's family again, but in the morning we get to see New Moon, which I am SOOOO excited about! :) Plus we get to see it at my favorite theater!
The next day will be not so fun though, because Nate is going to try to pull like a 15 hour day because he gets double time and a half. Which hopefully will pay for a small Christmas for us. Then that week he will start his mon-fri shift! I am so glad he got that shift so he can start going to all of church with me. And just being on a somewhat normal schedule.
So that's what we have been up to. Nothing terribly exciting but our life rarely is, at least that's what I think when I see other people look at life. But it is ours and right now we are just trying to work through one thing at a time. But I am hoping and wishing and praying SO hard that we will be in our own place by next Christmas. But I guess we will just have to see how everything ends up. But I'm still hoping.
Hope you all are enjoying the holiday season which is swiftly approaching. :)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Refiner's Fire...
"But who may abide the day of His coming? and who shall stand when He appeareth? for he is like a refiner's fire and like fullers' soap. And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness." Malachi 3:2-3
Its so interesting that the past few weeks this exact subject has been weighting on my mind. Being sent through a purifying fire. I just stumbled upon this tonight, but I know that it is true. I also found this story after doing some searching on Google:
Its amazing to think of our God watching and waiting to see His image in us. It also tells us, that no trial will leave us until we have learned what HE intended for us to learn. And we also know it will always be something that brings us closer to Him. Until we turn our lives over to Him, and take advantage of the Savior's plea to let Him help us carry our burden's, the trial will not leave. What an amazing Father we have. That He would watch us every moment, making sure we were safe and watched over. But desiring so much to see us reflect Him, that He would put us in the fire, is such a selfless act when you really think about it. I cannot image a Father that does not cry, hurt, and sorrow with His children. But He knows what the outcome will be. He knows who we will become in the process if we but follow His commandments, and follow His instructions. Its just amazing. So amazing that I wonder how anyone could doubt a loving Father above. This stuff just can't be made up. It all just works out to perfectly for it all to be random. Thank you Heavenly Father, for being a "refiner's fire".
Its so interesting that the past few weeks this exact subject has been weighting on my mind. Being sent through a purifying fire. I just stumbled upon this tonight, but I know that it is true. I also found this story after doing some searching on Google:
There was a group of women in a Bible study on the book of Malachi. As they were studying chapter three, they came across verse three which says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." (Malachi 3:3) This verse puzzled the women and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study. That week this woman called up a silver smith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silver smith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot--then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.
She asked the silver smith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silver smith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy--when I see my image in it."
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eye on you.
--Author unknown
I know the scripture refers to the Savior, but since we know that God and Jesus's purposes are one, I always think of God being the instigator so to speak. Sometimes I wonder if I am wrong in this, so sorry if it should be worded differently to be scriptually correct. :)One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study. That week this woman called up a silver smith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silver smith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot--then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.
She asked the silver smith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silver smith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy--when I see my image in it."
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eye on you.
--Author unknown
Its amazing to think of our God watching and waiting to see His image in us. It also tells us, that no trial will leave us until we have learned what HE intended for us to learn. And we also know it will always be something that brings us closer to Him. Until we turn our lives over to Him, and take advantage of the Savior's plea to let Him help us carry our burden's, the trial will not leave. What an amazing Father we have. That He would watch us every moment, making sure we were safe and watched over. But desiring so much to see us reflect Him, that He would put us in the fire, is such a selfless act when you really think about it. I cannot image a Father that does not cry, hurt, and sorrow with His children. But He knows what the outcome will be. He knows who we will become in the process if we but follow His commandments, and follow His instructions. Its just amazing. So amazing that I wonder how anyone could doubt a loving Father above. This stuff just can't be made up. It all just works out to perfectly for it all to be random. Thank you Heavenly Father, for being a "refiner's fire".
Saturday, October 31, 2009
I never {tHoUgHt}....
...I would be still trying to have a baby after 5 years.
...my first ultrasound would be me on the table choking back tears, and hearing a diagnoses of PCOS.
...I would learn how to push away tears.
...I would be shunned by others who are trying to have a family..
...animals could save your life.
...I would come to love my nieces and nephews as my own children.
...my friends would not be a part of my life.
...marriage could be as hard as it is. But also as good.
...I would feel a drive so strongly for something I would have the most stupid, insane, and desperate thoughts at times.
...I would care about the needs of others more then myself.
...I would ever move back home after I got married.
...life is as hard as it really is.
...I would sometimes wish my husband had never met me, so that he could quite possibly be a daddy.
...my mind would dwell on one subject so long that it becomes routine.
...taking 4 pills, 2 times a day would make me gag.
...Infertility would change my life.
...your family, could be the one to hurt you the most.
...the love of your family could save your life.
...I would feel God's love as much as I have in the past 5 years.
...I would learn the church is true as much as I do now.
...I would never get comments to my blogs. (LOL couldn't help throwing that in!) :)
...my first ultrasound would be me on the table choking back tears, and hearing a diagnoses of PCOS.
...I would learn how to push away tears.
...I would be shunned by others who are trying to have a family..
...animals could save your life.
...I would come to love my nieces and nephews as my own children.
...my friends would not be a part of my life.
...marriage could be as hard as it is. But also as good.
...I would feel a drive so strongly for something I would have the most stupid, insane, and desperate thoughts at times.
...I would care about the needs of others more then myself.
...I would ever move back home after I got married.
...life is as hard as it really is.
...I would sometimes wish my husband had never met me, so that he could quite possibly be a daddy.
...my mind would dwell on one subject so long that it becomes routine.
...taking 4 pills, 2 times a day would make me gag.
...Infertility would change my life.
...your family, could be the one to hurt you the most.
...the love of your family could save your life.
...I would feel God's love as much as I have in the past 5 years.
...I would learn the church is true as much as I do now.
...I would never get comments to my blogs. (LOL couldn't help throwing that in!) :)
The {TaStE} of Chocolate Cake....
This story, spoke right to my heart and soul. You will not regret reading it. Even if you don't suffer from infertility, you can take something from it. Even just to identify with those who are suffering from it.
http://weareallmothers.blogspot.com/2009/10/infertility-and-dessert.html#comments
http://weareallmothers.blogspot.com/2009/10/infertility-and-dessert.html#comments
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Confessions of a {MoViE}-Holic
Yep that's right. That is me standing next to our DVD's. I couldn't believe we had so many they stacked higher then me!
{SiDeNoTe} : This came crashing down about 20 minutes later. And {GrEaT} was the fall, thereof.
{SiDeNoTe} : This came crashing down about 20 minutes later. And {GrEaT} was the fall, thereof.
On another Sidenote, please pardon our dust. Construction zone ahead.
(Translation: Please ignore the mess!)
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I would {DiE} for that.....
I don't know where this post is going to go. I swear this medication I am on makes me SO scatter brained. Sometimes I can't remember what I'm doing at the moment. But its probably my fault because I think I let my blood sugar get to low. I wait to long in between eating.
I don't remember if I said anything about the surgery I need to have. But its going to have to wait until January because Nate doesn't have enough days to cover as much time as I will need him here to help during recovery. So I will more then likely have the surgery sometime in January. Hopefully in the beginning part because I want to get going on trying to start our family for real.
I have read some women have been able to concieve off of Met alone, so the possiblity IS still there. But, its a long shot with how riddled with cysts my ovary's are. and the possiblity is there for endo too. But we will keep going, and praying and hope God performs a {MIRACLE} in our lives. I'm trying so hard to have more faith in Him. And believing that I'm not less then others. Because I have SUCH a tendency to do that. I think about being one of those miracle stories you hear about when women have a baby after so long of trying. And I never see myself as being blessed like that. But I think its just my low self-esteem, and my not thinking I deserve things like that.
My mind has been on this subject for like a week. I can't tell exactly what my soul is trying to figure out. But I think I need to start believing in a miracle in my life. I need to hope and never lose that hope even when it seems like the answer is no.
I just so desperately want to be a mom, here on this earth. Sometimes it feels like this desperation in the pit of my soul that just needs to be fulfilled. But, I will keep going. I will keep having Faith.
I have this song on my iPod, and I listen to it quite frequently. It really describes how I feel. The desperation. The strong desire. The pain. The sorrow. The jealousy. Its really the HARDEST thing I have ever been through, and its so hard to keep faith, understand WHY, and feel something SO out of your hands....because, it just is.
Sorry if this post seems like a downer, I'm actually feeling fine, but just wanted to share some of my journey.
I Would Die for That
by Kellie Coffey
I don't remember if I said anything about the surgery I need to have. But its going to have to wait until January because Nate doesn't have enough days to cover as much time as I will need him here to help during recovery. So I will more then likely have the surgery sometime in January. Hopefully in the beginning part because I want to get going on trying to start our family for real.
I have read some women have been able to concieve off of Met alone, so the possiblity IS still there. But, its a long shot with how riddled with cysts my ovary's are. and the possiblity is there for endo too. But we will keep going, and praying and hope God performs a {MIRACLE} in our lives. I'm trying so hard to have more faith in Him. And believing that I'm not less then others. Because I have SUCH a tendency to do that. I think about being one of those miracle stories you hear about when women have a baby after so long of trying. And I never see myself as being blessed like that. But I think its just my low self-esteem, and my not thinking I deserve things like that.
My mind has been on this subject for like a week. I can't tell exactly what my soul is trying to figure out. But I think I need to start believing in a miracle in my life. I need to hope and never lose that hope even when it seems like the answer is no.
I just so desperately want to be a mom, here on this earth. Sometimes it feels like this desperation in the pit of my soul that just needs to be fulfilled. But, I will keep going. I will keep having Faith.
I have this song on my iPod, and I listen to it quite frequently. It really describes how I feel. The desperation. The strong desire. The pain. The sorrow. The jealousy. Its really the HARDEST thing I have ever been through, and its so hard to keep faith, understand WHY, and feel something SO out of your hands....because, it just is.
Sorry if this post seems like a downer, I'm actually feeling fine, but just wanted to share some of my journey.
I Would Die for That
by Kellie Coffey
Monday, October 12, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
And I think to myself, what a {WONDERFUL} World....
Today is a day for {Gratitude}. As most of you know, I went camping with my family this past weekend. Besides it being {FrEEEEzing} cold, it was a trip that really was placed in my life at the right time. God is good. God is amazing, and our Savior could not have created a more beautiful world for us to live in. I feel truly blessed to feel His presence in my life, and am so {Grateful} for a loving Father who blesses me with life everyday.
As we were traveling through Mt. Timpanogos cave, our tour guide said many times something to the effect of, you can find beauty here. But it all depends on your {perspective}. You will see ugly in the world, or you will find beauty surrounding you no matter where you are, if you just change your perspective. And how true it is!
At first {glance} this cave was not something some people would describe as beautiful. But to me it was. The whole vacation was beautiful. From the rocky mountains that surrounded our campground, or the green, orange, and red trees dotting the whole canyon. To the flow rock inside the beautiful little cave we walked through, and the laughter of my family as we {attempted} to play Bop-it extreme.
It reminds me of a song we used to sing at girl's camp when I was younger:
How beautiful is the green earth,
The stars in the heaven above,
Oh what would the world be like,
if we didn't have {Family} to love.
Here are just a few pictures from our trip. Nate took the most of them, and he's getting really good at taking pictures!
As we were traveling through Mt. Timpanogos cave, our tour guide said many times something to the effect of, you can find beauty here. But it all depends on your {perspective}. You will see ugly in the world, or you will find beauty surrounding you no matter where you are, if you just change your perspective. And how true it is!
At first {glance} this cave was not something some people would describe as beautiful. But to me it was. The whole vacation was beautiful. From the rocky mountains that surrounded our campground, or the green, orange, and red trees dotting the whole canyon. To the flow rock inside the beautiful little cave we walked through, and the laughter of my family as we {attempted} to play Bop-it extreme.
It reminds me of a song we used to sing at girl's camp when I was younger:
How beautiful is the green earth,
The stars in the heaven above,
Oh what would the world be like,
if we didn't have {Family} to love.
Here are just a few pictures from our trip. Nate took the most of them, and he's getting really good at taking pictures!
Top: This is right in our campground. This stream was so nice to fall asleep to at night!
Bottom: Inside the cave. 
Top: The heart of a Katana (not sure of the spelling).
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Ah! {SwEeT} Victory!!!
As you can see from the top of the blog, I met my September goal today! Wohoo! I am so proud of myself, and we are adding 10 miles to October's goal, which will show up in the next few days. I'm feeling so proud of myself, I can't believe I went that far! Wohoo!
Monday, September 21, 2009
{wArNiNg} Slight whine ahead...
I know I said I would keep this blog upbeat, and I am really trying. But this PCOS is just kicking my butt. It is so hard to be trying so hard to lose weight and see NO progress. I am eating good at least 85% of the time, and exercising 4-6 times a week. And NO weight loss! Nate has already lost over 10 pounds!!!!!!!! I just don't get it. I just needed to let it out. I hope that once I get on some medication to try to treat it, I can start losing weight too.
On the up-side of things, we are going to a marriage seminar on Friday! I can't wait! It should be really fun, and interesting. Can't beat a free night out!
We are going to go down early to look around temple square before. I will be sure to take my camera! So expect an update sometime this weekend with some nice pictures! :)
On the up-side of things, we are going to a marriage seminar on Friday! I can't wait! It should be really fun, and interesting. Can't beat a free night out!
We are going to go down early to look around temple square before. I will be sure to take my camera! So expect an update sometime this weekend with some nice pictures! :)
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
{29} The last year before you are {OLD}
Today is my Hunny's 29th birthday! He doesn't seem that old to me, but that is because of how much fun we have together. In some ways I'm scared for him to turn 30 next year, just because I feel that the clock is going too FAST! But I am grateful for the day my husband was sent to this earth, and I love him with all my heart.
{Happy Birthday Nathan!}
The {SiMpLe} life!
Simplistic lives are always the best...
Based on my above research, I will let you draw your own conclusions. :)
Is my new Doctor a....{vAmPiRe}???
Reason begs the answer: NO. But, with 8 or more vials of blood, sucked from my arm today, I had to ask {and wonder}. Is he secretly stashing my blood to soothe his dietary needs? This is all in jest, as you know I {LoVe} my new doctor. :) But honestly, 8 vials of blood? It makes me feel more defective then I already do. I couldn't watch when the needle was stabbed in my arm, but Nate's eyes were as big as silver-dollars! But I survived and conquered, like I always do! Teehehe! Now the Jeopardy-humming-toe-tapping-waiting-game has arrived. I should know more of what my body is up to in about 10 days.
Do-Do-Do-Do, Do-Do-Do, Do-Do-Do-Do-DOO, Do-Do-Do-Do.....
{My sad attempt to convey the Jeopardy theme in text}...
{I like it!}
{Don't worry. There is no charge for THEE Awesomeness you have just experienced. :)}
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Extreme Makeover! {bLoG} Edition!
As you can see, my blog has had an Extreme Makeover! I realized something going back through my blogs and tagging them. They were so negative! So I decided it was time for a good old face lift, and WAAAALAAAHHHH:
Robite Burgers was born!!!
The name has special meaning to Nate and I, suffice it to say, our name would be an excellent burger chain name! We could have the famous RobiteSoBeIt burger that would be a wonderful smorgasbord of all your calorie-packing-artery-blocking-juicy-goodness all for a reasonable price!
I also have had a breakthrough with my own personal life. And I have to say I am grateful for a God that never gives up on us. He never does, and isn't that just amazing? There is alot more to it, but its to personal for a place like this {burger} joint!
So, I have this mysterious rash on my arm. It just appeared shortly after I got a flu shot from my GYNO. I am going back tomorrow for some blood work, so they will be microscoping my arm then. Probably just a reaction to the shot, its very normal. {So I have heard on the DL}.
So, the plan is to have a {night freezing} camping trip in a few weeks. I am super excited because Nate gets to come experience the real fun of camping. And it will be fun, {minus the freezing part}!! Don't worry faithful readers, there will be an update with photos. For now savor your {burger} tooth on this picture. You know you can't resist the cuteness!
Friday, September 11, 2009
T{a}MI
I went to the Doctor today, the OB/GYN. I first have to say I'm Grateful for the doctor I was referred to. He is so caring and understanding. He also is very proactive. After an internal ultrasound, he determined 2 Things:
1) I have 2-3 cysts on my Uterus.
2) I have a disease called PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome)
The basics of the 2nd one are that my periods are non-existent, due to problems with my hormones being regulated. I have a ring of cysts surrounding each ovary, and it prevents my body from releasing or maybe even producing a mature egg. I go back next week to get my blood work done. They will be testing insulin levels and stuff, which is all part of figuring out how to best treat the problem. Its actually kind of scary once you do research and find out this causes all types of problems for your health if left unchecked. So then 10 days after that I will have another appointment where he will review all the blood work results and we will then make a plan of action.
I am figuring as far as number one, I will have to have surgery to remove these. They are inhibiting the opening. You get the idea.
So there we are for now. Its interesting because now the dreams of being a Mom are being rekindled. Its opened a Pandora's Box, but I am willing to risk it if the outcome is what we are all hoping and praying for.
Good news, I reached my half-way goal for September! I have gone 25 miles so far this month and just under 25 miles to go! I am feeling good and feeling healthier, which is the most important thing. That's another thing of PCOS though. It makes it extremely hard to lose weight, especially around your waist area. I am hoping that I can still beat the odds though!
1) I have 2-3 cysts on my Uterus.
2) I have a disease called PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome)
The basics of the 2nd one are that my periods are non-existent, due to problems with my hormones being regulated. I have a ring of cysts surrounding each ovary, and it prevents my body from releasing or maybe even producing a mature egg. I go back next week to get my blood work done. They will be testing insulin levels and stuff, which is all part of figuring out how to best treat the problem. Its actually kind of scary once you do research and find out this causes all types of problems for your health if left unchecked. So then 10 days after that I will have another appointment where he will review all the blood work results and we will then make a plan of action.
I am figuring as far as number one, I will have to have surgery to remove these. They are inhibiting the opening. You get the idea.
So there we are for now. Its interesting because now the dreams of being a Mom are being rekindled. Its opened a Pandora's Box, but I am willing to risk it if the outcome is what we are all hoping and praying for.
Good news, I reached my half-way goal for September! I have gone 25 miles so far this month and just under 25 miles to go! I am feeling good and feeling healthier, which is the most important thing. That's another thing of PCOS though. It makes it extremely hard to lose weight, especially around your waist area. I am hoping that I can still beat the odds though!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
En{RiChEd}
Today I went to Enrichment. This is a big step for me, because I have such a hard time fitting in at church. But, I went, and besides the little part during the dinner that I wanted to run out and cry for reasons I can't even explain to myself, it was really fun. It was nice to get out and socialize.
Its hard to live in this ward again sometimes, just because I run into people from my past all the time. And then comes the dreaded question. "Any kids?" Nope. "How long have you been married?" 5 and a half years. "Oh." Hence the tears that were wanting to escape from my eyes.
But I'm proud of myself for just answering the question and moving on. I just wish so much I could be a "YES! I have XX many kids!" And then go into the child rearing stories that always inevitably follow. But alas, God has other plans for us. At least for now.
We had a birthday party with my family, which was really fun. I'm glad my family gets together on a somewhat regular basis.
Nate of course is glad because Football season has offically started. Sometimes it seems I'm not married in the Fall. But, he actually pretty good at balancing his time.
Our neice and nephew spent the Labor Day weekend with us. It was pretty fun. We had a big Smash Bros. Brawl tournament on the Wii. We had a really good time. I miss them coming up as often as they used to.
Other then that, just life as normal. Nate's 29th Birthday comes up next week. We are going to stay at the Anniversary Inn, and I'm delciously happy! It will be nice to leave our problems behind for the night and just enjoy being together.
Summer is over, and the end of the year is fast approaching. I really hope next year brings some good changes, some of them I'm creating myself by making better choices, but I really hope there are some wonderful blessings in store for us. I'm trying to have faith that there is. Til next time!
Its hard to live in this ward again sometimes, just because I run into people from my past all the time. And then comes the dreaded question. "Any kids?" Nope. "How long have you been married?" 5 and a half years. "Oh." Hence the tears that were wanting to escape from my eyes.
But I'm proud of myself for just answering the question and moving on. I just wish so much I could be a "YES! I have XX many kids!" And then go into the child rearing stories that always inevitably follow. But alas, God has other plans for us. At least for now.
We had a birthday party with my family, which was really fun. I'm glad my family gets together on a somewhat regular basis.
Nate of course is glad because Football season has offically started. Sometimes it seems I'm not married in the Fall. But, he actually pretty good at balancing his time.
Our neice and nephew spent the Labor Day weekend with us. It was pretty fun. We had a big Smash Bros. Brawl tournament on the Wii. We had a really good time. I miss them coming up as often as they used to.
Other then that, just life as normal. Nate's 29th Birthday comes up next week. We are going to stay at the Anniversary Inn, and I'm delciously happy! It will be nice to leave our problems behind for the night and just enjoy being together.
Summer is over, and the end of the year is fast approaching. I really hope next year brings some good changes, some of them I'm creating myself by making better choices, but I really hope there are some wonderful blessings in store for us. I'm trying to have faith that there is. Til next time!
Monday, August 31, 2009
My Goal for September
There is a new ticker at the top! This is my exercise goal for September. I'm not sure how much to put as my goal, so I thought I would start at 50. I might not get anywhere near it, or I might go way over it. I'm feeling really good. I have to keep reminding myself the weight loss is going to be slow but I can already tell I feel healthier. Which is the best feeling. I just hope we can keep going with the exercise and eating. So far so good. I just hope I don't fall back into old habits. Its just a choice to be healthy or not I guess. So here is to tomorrow, the start of my goal! :)
Monday, August 24, 2009
Quiet time of life...
Obviously things are quiet around here. Nate's shift changed on Sunday, so we are in a transition time period right now. Its been hard, but I'm just grateful that Nate has a job. So many out there don't.
Honestly, I don't know how often I am going to update. I really don't have much to say, so yeah. I feel like I don't "fit in" in the world anymore. No one understands my life, and honestly I don't understand most anyone else's. I feel like I'm such a negative person now. I didn't used to feel that way. Life has just been full of negative stuff for me, and honestly I have no idea how to turn it around. Don't get me wrong. I am so happy in my marriage, I love my 2 cats, and I have an amazing family. But I feel like my life is paused. I have felt like that for almost a year now. And it feels like it doesn't get any better. My biggest concern in my life right now is our car. We are trapped in this loan, with no funds to get us out, and then car isn't even worth half of what's left on the loan. There is something wrong with, and guess what! No money to fix it! Story of my life. I am so worried about it breaking down and making it so we have to push Nate's school again, now he's going to Weber State hopefully in the Spring semester. But we have to scrounge up around 600 dollars in just a matter of months. So we will see.
I know that alot of people in my life would say that I "created my own reality". Yes. Thank you. That doesn't help one bit. What happens when you are trying everything that you possibly can to turn things around, but nothing works? I honestly don't know. We want to move out. But we both realize that Nate's schooling would have to be postponed for the forseeable future. And neither of us are willing to do that. I could work, but I still don't have my anxiety under control. I have put my resume into some places, but with my work history I am never going to get hired unless someone gives me a chance. So I don't know. I just don't know how we can turn our life around...we just hit one rough patch after another.
Sorry, I am going on and on. But I just wanted to say, I really doubt I will update much anymore. I just don't have a life people care about, and that's okay. I'm not good with words, I don't captivate people, and that's okay too. I imagine my life to just be a quiet one, and being only of consequence to those around me. I will still leave the blog open, in case I ever feel like updating it, but it probably will be months between posts.
So TTFN, and happy life to you all! :)
Honestly, I don't know how often I am going to update. I really don't have much to say, so yeah. I feel like I don't "fit in" in the world anymore. No one understands my life, and honestly I don't understand most anyone else's. I feel like I'm such a negative person now. I didn't used to feel that way. Life has just been full of negative stuff for me, and honestly I have no idea how to turn it around. Don't get me wrong. I am so happy in my marriage, I love my 2 cats, and I have an amazing family. But I feel like my life is paused. I have felt like that for almost a year now. And it feels like it doesn't get any better. My biggest concern in my life right now is our car. We are trapped in this loan, with no funds to get us out, and then car isn't even worth half of what's left on the loan. There is something wrong with, and guess what! No money to fix it! Story of my life. I am so worried about it breaking down and making it so we have to push Nate's school again, now he's going to Weber State hopefully in the Spring semester. But we have to scrounge up around 600 dollars in just a matter of months. So we will see.
I know that alot of people in my life would say that I "created my own reality". Yes. Thank you. That doesn't help one bit. What happens when you are trying everything that you possibly can to turn things around, but nothing works? I honestly don't know. We want to move out. But we both realize that Nate's schooling would have to be postponed for the forseeable future. And neither of us are willing to do that. I could work, but I still don't have my anxiety under control. I have put my resume into some places, but with my work history I am never going to get hired unless someone gives me a chance. So I don't know. I just don't know how we can turn our life around...we just hit one rough patch after another.
Sorry, I am going on and on. But I just wanted to say, I really doubt I will update much anymore. I just don't have a life people care about, and that's okay. I'm not good with words, I don't captivate people, and that's okay too. I imagine my life to just be a quiet one, and being only of consequence to those around me. I will still leave the blog open, in case I ever feel like updating it, but it probably will be months between posts.
So TTFN, and happy life to you all! :)
Monday, August 10, 2009
A quote I like
Just thought I would share, mainly for my own benefit:
"Reputation is what men and women think of us; Character is what God and angels KNOW of us."
-Thomas Paine
"Reputation is what men and women think of us; Character is what God and angels KNOW of us."
-Thomas Paine
Monday, August 3, 2009
Green River '09!
Well, at the last minute (the day before) I decided to go to Green River/Flaming Gorge with my family. My neice April also decided to come too which was nice. I was really sad Nate couldn't come, but it was really nice to spend time with my family. I had so much fun with my neices and nephews, and everyone else, I am so glad that I went. The first day we got there, we almost got in an accident twice which was kind of scary. But thankfully we were okay. We got up there around 4 PM, and set up camp and my Brother and Sis-in-law got dinner going in Dutch Ovens, and they did such a good job at it! While April and I were putting up the tent, it POURED. We were completely soaked from head to toe! I will have to add a picture when I get my hands on one, I didn't take one with my camera. So I will add that later. My other niece Haley decided to join April and I in our tent, and so it was a really fun "girl's" tent. We stayed up until 2 AM just talking and stuff and it was so fun. The next day we went up to Brownie lake to do some fishing. There is a hike there to a lookout tower that I really want to go on. We didn't get to do it this time. We ended up leaving because it started raining plus there were some annoying people there. So we drove another 10 miles up to Spirit Lake. It was really pretty up there. It was like being in the Twilight movie. Mysterious dark forest, quiet. I could almost imagine Edward running through the woods up there. We stayed there for an hour or so and then left because it started raining. We ate at the Lodge (which is a tradition in my family) which was nice. Came back to the camp, had a fire and went to bed. The next day the boys got up and went fishing in the morning/early afternoon so the rest of us just hung around camp and played some games which was really fun. When they got back everyone but my dad and I went to the Dam Tour. I took a nap, because I really wasn't interested in going. Plus it was nice just to lay in my tent with the breeze blowing through. I watched Twilight on my iPod, which was cool up in the woods. The last night we had a fire, roasted more marshmallows, starbursts, and some people made banana boats. Then we went into Rob's trailer and played some games.
We packed up the last day, and on the way home Rob had a tire blow out on his trailer. We ended up getting home later then we hoped, but I was just glad no one was hurt, and there was no damage that was expensive to fix.
It was a really fun trip! It made me realize how much I really do love camping, so we are hoping that next year Nate will be able to go. Plus we are talking about doing some of our own camping some other places too next year. Maybe Zion's National Park. We really want to go down there since we both haven't been since we were really little. And we found a new tent that we want, so I'm excited for that too. Should be able to buy it in the next few months. It was a great trip though, and I can't wait to go camping again.
Blogger doesn't want to let me add pictures, so I will try to add them later. :)
We packed up the last day, and on the way home Rob had a tire blow out on his trailer. We ended up getting home later then we hoped, but I was just glad no one was hurt, and there was no damage that was expensive to fix.
It was a really fun trip! It made me realize how much I really do love camping, so we are hoping that next year Nate will be able to go. Plus we are talking about doing some of our own camping some other places too next year. Maybe Zion's National Park. We really want to go down there since we both haven't been since we were really little. And we found a new tent that we want, so I'm excited for that too. Should be able to buy it in the next few months. It was a great trip though, and I can't wait to go camping again.
Blogger doesn't want to let me add pictures, so I will try to add them later. :)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Thought I would just quickly update...
I haven't done a true update for awhile, so I thought I would just say what has been going on for us. For the 4th of July we had a really quiet relaxed day at home. We had a BBQ with my dad and some of my siblings, then we watched the fireworks from my dad's front yard. We bought some fireworks that we let off after too which was fun. Nate likes fire a bit to much!
Last Saturday we rode the Frontrunner down to SLC, and saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at the Megaplex in the Gateway mall. It was REALLY fun! We had lunch there afterword and it was really good. It was a fun day, nice to get out and do something different. It only cost us 10 bucks to ride the frontrunner/trax there so we might do it again in the next couple of weeks. We both really loved the movie. We agree its the best in the series so far. And now we are excited to see it again, buy it, and for Deathly Hallows!
They played the New Moon trailer before the movie and it made me SO excited. My heart was pounding for some reason. It wasn't the first time I had seen the trailer, but seeing it on the big screen made me so excited!
Nate's job is going really well. He really is motivated to work really hard and hopefully move up in the company. He will be going back to school sometime, we are hoping for spring but it is sounding like it might be summer before he goes. We now have health insurance which is a big relief for us, and so I will be going in probably in August to see a Gyno and get started on some testing. I am really not very excited, but it will be nice to have some answers.
My mother's grandparents came and visited for a couple of days with my uncle and aunt. It was nice to see them, but sad at the same time. My grandma is suffering from Alzheimer's. It makes me feel like I should have tried harder to ask her things about my mom before her mind went. She doesn't know anyone, doesn't remember anything, and basically just sits there looking confused. Its really hard to see, and it has been really hard on my Grandpa. Like the movie The Notebook, its very similar to that. They have been married for 60 years, and my grandma doesn't remember him at all. She refuses to sleep in the same bed as him, and won't let him help her do anything. Eventually it will get to the point where she can't speak, or do things such as brush her teeth etc. Its already getting to that point she can't really even process simple instructions. It really is such a sad disease. I hope I don't get it when I'm older, but you never can tell what will happen. It would just break my heart to not remember Nate....
Other then that, things are just going along! We are hoping to have a little getaway in September for Nate's birthday to the Anniversary Inn, so I hope that will happen. It will be nice to get away over night. Then we are hoping that his bonus is big enough in February to make a spring/summer trip out to Disneyland to utilize having 2 weeks paid vacation! So we will see what happens over the months.
Well that's about it. Summer is half over already, its crazy how time flies by! :)
Last Saturday we rode the Frontrunner down to SLC, and saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at the Megaplex in the Gateway mall. It was REALLY fun! We had lunch there afterword and it was really good. It was a fun day, nice to get out and do something different. It only cost us 10 bucks to ride the frontrunner/trax there so we might do it again in the next couple of weeks. We both really loved the movie. We agree its the best in the series so far. And now we are excited to see it again, buy it, and for Deathly Hallows!
They played the New Moon trailer before the movie and it made me SO excited. My heart was pounding for some reason. It wasn't the first time I had seen the trailer, but seeing it on the big screen made me so excited!
Nate's job is going really well. He really is motivated to work really hard and hopefully move up in the company. He will be going back to school sometime, we are hoping for spring but it is sounding like it might be summer before he goes. We now have health insurance which is a big relief for us, and so I will be going in probably in August to see a Gyno and get started on some testing. I am really not very excited, but it will be nice to have some answers.
My mother's grandparents came and visited for a couple of days with my uncle and aunt. It was nice to see them, but sad at the same time. My grandma is suffering from Alzheimer's. It makes me feel like I should have tried harder to ask her things about my mom before her mind went. She doesn't know anyone, doesn't remember anything, and basically just sits there looking confused. Its really hard to see, and it has been really hard on my Grandpa. Like the movie The Notebook, its very similar to that. They have been married for 60 years, and my grandma doesn't remember him at all. She refuses to sleep in the same bed as him, and won't let him help her do anything. Eventually it will get to the point where she can't speak, or do things such as brush her teeth etc. Its already getting to that point she can't really even process simple instructions. It really is such a sad disease. I hope I don't get it when I'm older, but you never can tell what will happen. It would just break my heart to not remember Nate....
Other then that, things are just going along! We are hoping to have a little getaway in September for Nate's birthday to the Anniversary Inn, so I hope that will happen. It will be nice to get away over night. Then we are hoping that his bonus is big enough in February to make a spring/summer trip out to Disneyland to utilize having 2 weeks paid vacation! So we will see what happens over the months.
Well that's about it. Summer is half over already, its crazy how time flies by! :)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Will my marriage survive this? Will I survive this?
Infertility. Will I survive? Will my marriage survive? Have I finished grieving? Will it ever get better? Will I ever feel complete? Will I ever feel happy? Will it ever not cross my mind during the day? Will my marriage ever feel normal again? Will my husband stay married to me? Will he secertly be resentful? Will he be unhappy the rest of his life? Will we find joy through other means? Will I ever have a support group? Will I ever have a consistent friend who understands and cares about me even though I'm not a mom? Will I ever be understood and cared about the way others my age are because they are moms? Will I ever be as important? Will I ever stop being angry at God? Will I ever feel His love for me, despite my flaws? Will I learn to love Him and accept Him despite my reaction to scream out why? Will I learn to love myself as a woman? Will I ever feel like a woman again? Will my husband and I still enjoy and love each other in 50 years? Will my house echo with silence forever? Will I always feel like I am missing out on the best experience this life has to offer? Will my arms always ache to hold my babies? Will it always be hard to walk through the baby section at the store? Will it always hurt to find out someone I know is pregnant? Will I always want to cry when I think about it? Will the pain ever stop? Will it ever end? Will it ever let up?
Will I survie this?? How can I survive this?? I really don't have any answers....
Friday, June 12, 2009
Good News!!!
For those of you that aren't on Facebook, Nate got a job!!! He's making a tiny bit more money at this job, but also gets lots of perks. Tuition reimbursement!! Wohoo! And our health insurance will start his first day of work!! Sweet!!! We are so glad, and feel like we can start breathing a sigh of relief. The only maybe down side is its in West Valley, so Nate will have to be riding the bus! But that's okay. We can keep in contact with our cell phones on his commute. I am so glad, and can't wait for him to get started on school!!!
I'm also really nervous about getting some testing done for Infertility. I'm really scared about what the answer will be, but at the same time it will be kind of nice to know what is exactly is going on.
I finally feel like things are moving. Nate doesn't start until the end of the month so, now we get to spend a couple of weeks together before the hard work starts! Things are good, feeling better, and hope this puts us on a good path for life! :)
I'm also really nervous about getting some testing done for Infertility. I'm really scared about what the answer will be, but at the same time it will be kind of nice to know what is exactly is going on.
I finally feel like things are moving. Nate doesn't start until the end of the month so, now we get to spend a couple of weeks together before the hard work starts! Things are good, feeling better, and hope this puts us on a good path for life! :)
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Just another update!
Things have gotten worse, but we are still surviving. Nate was laid off from his job last week. We are lucky because we are actually going to receive unemployment from his last lay off first. So, its possible our unemployment could carry us through the remainder of the year, but neither of us want to test that theory! So Nate's been putting in applications like crazy, hours a day, and he has an interview tomorrow with Game Crazy. We aren't sure if that is something that we are interested in taking, so I guess we will have to see. We are really wanting a job with Tuition Reimbursement, because our main goal right now is to get Nate back into school. And he should be in school by the beginning of next month at the DATC getting his math classes going.
Other then that, things are just quiet. We have had some nieces and nephews over quite a few times, and hopefully will a few more times since they are out of school. We went to a driving range (golf) which was pretty fun. I suck, but it was fun just to try and to be out.
My niece and I waiting for the boys to get done at the range.
Sign by the range.
Other then that, things are just quiet. We have had some nieces and nephews over quite a few times, and hopefully will a few more times since they are out of school. We went to a driving range (golf) which was pretty fun. I suck, but it was fun just to try and to be out.
My niece and I waiting for the boys to get done at the range.
Sign by the range.And so this weekend we have a picnic for Nate's 10 year high school reunion, he really doesn't seem that old!! And then the next Saturday is my 26 birthday....I am SO not excited....its getting to close to 30 to be very comfortable! LOL. But hopefully we will be able to go out to dinner or something. But that's about all that is up with us right now. We are just hoping and praying that financially things can start to turn around for us, and we can get Nate into school and through it, ASAP. Happy Summer! :)
Friday, May 15, 2009
Just an update...
I haven't posted for awhile so I thought I better. Things are going OK. We are scrapping by thankfully financially. Hopefully things will change in the coming months, but I feel grateful at least we have enough for our needs.
Some new things that we have been up to, we have gone hiking quite a few times. There is a Wilderness Trail here in Kaysville that we have gone exploring a couple of times, and up Farmington Canyon which I never even knew was there! We didn't get to finish our hike up there though, because it was getting late, and a bit cold. So we just sat down on a rock and enjoyed being in the mountains. We are hoping to finish this hike this Saturday though when its supposed to be really warm and sunny. And we can start earlier.
We also having been planning a camping trip up at Flaming Gorge/Green River for the end of July with my family. We are both really excited. We are going to get 7 day fishing liscenses and just enjoy being with the family.
No big plans for the 4th of July. A BBQ with my dad, and maybe a hike up in Salt Lake. We are both interested in trying a hike up Immigration canyon, but, with our stupid car, we may not be able to. Nate may get the 3rd off, so we might do the hike then.
Other then that just surviving. I am going to be having some type of teeth work done, I don't know if it will be pulling or a root canal/crown. Its still kind of up in the air, but I'm NOT excited about it. I hate teeth, and I hate that I have such bad teeth.
We are really excited for the summer though. That's why I think sometimes we would be happier living where it was warm all year. The winter is just depressing here. I hate not being able to go outside. Oh well! I guess its life!
I'm also teaching piano to some of my nephews and its so fun. I like being able to spend some time with them, and get to know them a bit better. I hope I can be a good teacher, its a learning experience for all of us I guess!
Well that's about all I can think about updating about right now, probably will see less and less of posts, because I try to spend as much time as possible outside. Even if we just go out in the backyard and sit in our camping chairs! :)
Enjoy the sunshine!
Some new things that we have been up to, we have gone hiking quite a few times. There is a Wilderness Trail here in Kaysville that we have gone exploring a couple of times, and up Farmington Canyon which I never even knew was there! We didn't get to finish our hike up there though, because it was getting late, and a bit cold. So we just sat down on a rock and enjoyed being in the mountains. We are hoping to finish this hike this Saturday though when its supposed to be really warm and sunny. And we can start earlier.
We also having been planning a camping trip up at Flaming Gorge/Green River for the end of July with my family. We are both really excited. We are going to get 7 day fishing liscenses and just enjoy being with the family.
No big plans for the 4th of July. A BBQ with my dad, and maybe a hike up in Salt Lake. We are both interested in trying a hike up Immigration canyon, but, with our stupid car, we may not be able to. Nate may get the 3rd off, so we might do the hike then.
Other then that just surviving. I am going to be having some type of teeth work done, I don't know if it will be pulling or a root canal/crown. Its still kind of up in the air, but I'm NOT excited about it. I hate teeth, and I hate that I have such bad teeth.
We are really excited for the summer though. That's why I think sometimes we would be happier living where it was warm all year. The winter is just depressing here. I hate not being able to go outside. Oh well! I guess its life!
I'm also teaching piano to some of my nephews and its so fun. I like being able to spend some time with them, and get to know them a bit better. I hope I can be a good teacher, its a learning experience for all of us I guess!
Well that's about all I can think about updating about right now, probably will see less and less of posts, because I try to spend as much time as possible outside. Even if we just go out in the backyard and sit in our camping chairs! :)
Enjoy the sunshine!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
They cut hours again...
They cut Nate's hours again today. 32 a week, and he no longer goes in on Thursday. Its getting very frustrating and worrisome, we were barely making it on 35, I'm just worried he will continue to lose hours. So, he is looking. If anyone has any job leads, please let us know. I would really like to do something like Medical Billing and Coding, or Data Entry from home. I really like to type. :) So anyhow, I hope things get better, and he finds something soon.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Always something to learn
Things have been pretty quiet around here, which explains most of my life. Its okay though. I think I have accepted that my life will be a quiet and simple one and I'm okay with that. We have been helping my dad prune the trees and doing some housework. Its made me realize how much I actually enjoy working. Though it can get monotonous, and even sometimes hard, I enjoy being able to work hard and see what I have accomplished afterward.
If you haven't picked up the April Ensign I highly recommend it. If you only have time to read one article, I would really suggest the article The last week of the Saviors life. Or something to that effect. It made me realize how much there is to learn. Especially when it comes to the Gospel. Of course the most simple and plain truths are the most important. But also we can keep our mind expanding and learning new things. Things that increase our faith and testimony in the work, and also in our Savior. The similarities between His death and the Passover are interesting. Again you will have to read the article because I'm not always the best at presenting things I have read. The other article I suggest if you have time is What does the Atonement mean to you. I don't have the magazine in front of me but they are named something similar to that. It gives suggestions on how to make the Atonement more personal and meaningful to ourselves.
One quote that I liked from the Ensign was "Pray as though everything depended on God. Act as though everything depended on you." Prayer is sometimes a struggle for me. But the more I do it, the closer I feel to God and the more I come to believe of His love for me, and worry for me, and desire to bless me. Another thing that has helped me with prayer is to remember the scripture reminding us of who is convincing me that I don't need to pray.
Well, good sunny days are here again. :) For me I am moving to a happy place in my life. I feel as if I have come to peace with many things, but I know its because of the presence of the Spirit in my life. There are some good things happening for us right now, and I feel the guiding presence of my Heavenly Father, watching over us, protecting us and guiding our life. Its a very good feeling. Take care everyone! :)
If you haven't picked up the April Ensign I highly recommend it. If you only have time to read one article, I would really suggest the article The last week of the Saviors life. Or something to that effect. It made me realize how much there is to learn. Especially when it comes to the Gospel. Of course the most simple and plain truths are the most important. But also we can keep our mind expanding and learning new things. Things that increase our faith and testimony in the work, and also in our Savior. The similarities between His death and the Passover are interesting. Again you will have to read the article because I'm not always the best at presenting things I have read. The other article I suggest if you have time is What does the Atonement mean to you. I don't have the magazine in front of me but they are named something similar to that. It gives suggestions on how to make the Atonement more personal and meaningful to ourselves.
One quote that I liked from the Ensign was "Pray as though everything depended on God. Act as though everything depended on you." Prayer is sometimes a struggle for me. But the more I do it, the closer I feel to God and the more I come to believe of His love for me, and worry for me, and desire to bless me. Another thing that has helped me with prayer is to remember the scripture reminding us of who is convincing me that I don't need to pray.
Well, good sunny days are here again. :) For me I am moving to a happy place in my life. I feel as if I have come to peace with many things, but I know its because of the presence of the Spirit in my life. There are some good things happening for us right now, and I feel the guiding presence of my Heavenly Father, watching over us, protecting us and guiding our life. Its a very good feeling. Take care everyone! :)
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wow. My blog is boring.
Yeah I have been seriously MIA. I don't know why really. Things have been crazy/sad/hard like normal, and sometimes it gets tiresome! One of the things that has happened, is Nate's grandmother passed away. She hasn't been doing so well for awhile, but it still reminds you of how quickly people leave this life. Another is they have cut Nate's hour back to 35 a week. They are hoping it lasts only 2 weeks, but if it doesn't I really don't know what to do after that. Its hard when you just don't know the future. And its hard to have the cut hours PLUS having to miss a day of work (not paid) for a funeral. Just a bit of a rough patch.
But Easter is such a good time. The promise of hope, of life, of beauty. I love this time of year. I especially love the significance that Easter has held for me, most of my life. I think of my Savior and His resurrection and I just want to shout for joy. To think of being able to see my mom, my grandma again means so much for me, and I am reminded of that on Easter Sunday.
I am really just hoping that the trials I have had in my life, mold me into the person I'm supposed to become. Sometimes holiday's like this are hard. Especially if the holiday centers around children. Sometimes I can't help but feel, where is the hope for us? If the path we see before us, is the path our life will take, where will be the daily reminder of our legacy here? When we die, our names, our life, our dreams and goals and accomplishments will die with us. Its a hard thing to look in the future and see an empty life. Not only that, but to see the heartache that has been a constant companion in the past 3 years or so, and see it continuing until our dying day. People that can have children really are lucky, they escape something that is a never ending hurt. Though they have moments of trial themselves with children I am sure, the moments of pure joy, of looking at their children and remembering what its all about, have such a precious gift.
But I am grateful for God's gift to me in the form of Niece's and Nephews. I feel sorrow for women I know that have no family, no children in their life. There are times when I feel comforted by my siblings children, especially my sister's kids. It can at least dim the pain. Sometimes seeing kids really hurts. Sometimes it reminds me of what I probably will never have, or what I want so bad and can't have. Other times it helps to heal my heart and soul.
I don't know why this post took this turn, maybe I just needed to get it out of my system. I don't know! But I am also grateful for the promise of our Savior. That He will help us carry our loads, and when I look back, I can see Him carrying me through the trials I have had.
Nate and I have been hitting the gym pretty hard. Its been nice to work on something like this together. But this last weekend it all turned to mush. We ate bad, we ate to much...it was horrible. But today I'm turning it around before it gets to bad. At least for me. Nate doesn't really NEED to lose weight, though I am hoping its helping his blood pressure.
Anyhow, this is a long post, and I'm not even sure anyone checks my blog anymore. But I guess the important thing is its therapeutic to me and that's what matters. Til next time!
But Easter is such a good time. The promise of hope, of life, of beauty. I love this time of year. I especially love the significance that Easter has held for me, most of my life. I think of my Savior and His resurrection and I just want to shout for joy. To think of being able to see my mom, my grandma again means so much for me, and I am reminded of that on Easter Sunday.
I am really just hoping that the trials I have had in my life, mold me into the person I'm supposed to become. Sometimes holiday's like this are hard. Especially if the holiday centers around children. Sometimes I can't help but feel, where is the hope for us? If the path we see before us, is the path our life will take, where will be the daily reminder of our legacy here? When we die, our names, our life, our dreams and goals and accomplishments will die with us. Its a hard thing to look in the future and see an empty life. Not only that, but to see the heartache that has been a constant companion in the past 3 years or so, and see it continuing until our dying day. People that can have children really are lucky, they escape something that is a never ending hurt. Though they have moments of trial themselves with children I am sure, the moments of pure joy, of looking at their children and remembering what its all about, have such a precious gift.
But I am grateful for God's gift to me in the form of Niece's and Nephews. I feel sorrow for women I know that have no family, no children in their life. There are times when I feel comforted by my siblings children, especially my sister's kids. It can at least dim the pain. Sometimes seeing kids really hurts. Sometimes it reminds me of what I probably will never have, or what I want so bad and can't have. Other times it helps to heal my heart and soul.
I don't know why this post took this turn, maybe I just needed to get it out of my system. I don't know! But I am also grateful for the promise of our Savior. That He will help us carry our loads, and when I look back, I can see Him carrying me through the trials I have had.
Nate and I have been hitting the gym pretty hard. Its been nice to work on something like this together. But this last weekend it all turned to mush. We ate bad, we ate to much...it was horrible. But today I'm turning it around before it gets to bad. At least for me. Nate doesn't really NEED to lose weight, though I am hoping its helping his blood pressure.
Anyhow, this is a long post, and I'm not even sure anyone checks my blog anymore. But I guess the important thing is its therapeutic to me and that's what matters. Til next time!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
On the day before the first day of Spring...
I figured I hadn't really updated my blog for awhile, so maybe I should just quickly post what's been going on around here. And it hasn't been that much really! We are kinda just hanging around, Nate will be starting school on April 13th. I'm not looking forward to it that much, because it will mean he is gone more, but its only for an hour and a half M-F. And that would probably be it for right now. There are some other things going on, but I don't really want to talk about them here, for my own reasons. But! Yeah, we are still alive, still happy and thriving for now! LOL! Happy Spring to all tomorrow! :D
Sunday, March 8, 2009
This is so cool....
One of my friends showed me this, and I thought it was neat! You can do all kinds of things with it, and I could totally see using this for a scrapbook page or even something to frame and put on your wall! Its really cute. You can make your own at www.wordle.net
What I did with this one is just put in my blog and it takes the words you use the most and makes them big, then you can just customzie them however you want. Its really neat. I think I am going to make some and print them out.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
March is here like a LION!
Man this weather has been crazy. That wind the other night was REALLY loud, it kept cutting into my dreams. I was dreaming at one point I was in some house with my old high school friends, and I had to save them from a tornado. It was really weird.
Anyways, things are going actually pretty good for us here. Nate is going to be taking some Math classes at the DATC, which will only cost us like 60-100 bucks a month. Which is really good. It will still give him the chance to go to school, but not so out of control that we have the possiblity of tackling some debt. I am so glad about this, especially because Math is his least favorite subject and this way at least through 1010 he can just concentrate on it. Then the credits will transfer up to Weber State and he will hopefully start there next summer because the math classes are self paced so he can go as fast or slow as he wants.
I am still looking for a job, and I think I have a little higher chance of getting one, but I will leave it at that hoping I don't jinx it!
One of my Sister-In-Laws teachs half a class at the gym we belong to, and we went to it last night, and I love it! She is really good teacher, I just wish she taught the whole time. But the other lady is good too. We will probably hit that class from now on. Then she goes to another one on Monday monrings I might try to make it, unless I have a job! Crossing my fingers.
Well, other then that, not to much else is going on with us. I'm glad things seem to be picking up for us, after awhile in the dark. I just hope it continues this way.
Anyways, things are going actually pretty good for us here. Nate is going to be taking some Math classes at the DATC, which will only cost us like 60-100 bucks a month. Which is really good. It will still give him the chance to go to school, but not so out of control that we have the possiblity of tackling some debt. I am so glad about this, especially because Math is his least favorite subject and this way at least through 1010 he can just concentrate on it. Then the credits will transfer up to Weber State and he will hopefully start there next summer because the math classes are self paced so he can go as fast or slow as he wants.
I am still looking for a job, and I think I have a little higher chance of getting one, but I will leave it at that hoping I don't jinx it!
One of my Sister-In-Laws teachs half a class at the gym we belong to, and we went to it last night, and I love it! She is really good teacher, I just wish she taught the whole time. But the other lady is good too. We will probably hit that class from now on. Then she goes to another one on Monday monrings I might try to make it, unless I have a job! Crossing my fingers.
Well, other then that, not to much else is going on with us. I'm glad things seem to be picking up for us, after awhile in the dark. I just hope it continues this way.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Our 5th Anniversary Getaway
We left on Thursday afternoon to head up to the Logan Anniversary Inn. And we LOVE it up there! We are already talking about going up there for my birthday. We didn't do a whole lot, mostly just spent time together, enjoyed the rooms and everything. We went on a tour our second day there to get an idea of some of the other rooms we want to try, and that was really fun. They have a ton of rooms up there! It was a really great Anniversary!
The projection TV. Cool huh? We watched The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe on it that night.
Nate driving the truck.
The last night we stayed in Nefertitis Court. This room is just gorgeous! It was decorated so beautifully, and like the first night we had a My Comfort bed, and those beds are so comfy. You seriously feel like you are sleeping on a cloud!! It was a good way to end the trip!
Another huge tub!
Isn't that bed so pretty??
So it was so fun! And I'm glad we did it, we needed it. Now we just can't wait to go back and try some of their other rooms. We have a bounce back pass that we are using at the 5th south one in April which will be fun, and then going to a Jazz game. Can you tell we are obsessed? LOL but oh well! We love it!
Our first Night was at Rich's Drive Inn. There is a bed in the back of this truck, and a projection TV. It was a really fun room!
The tub was huge! But that's is one of the BEST things about their rooms. Its almost worth the money just for that!!
The projection TV. Cool huh? We watched The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe on it that night.
Nate driving the truck.
The second night we stayed in one of the lower tiered suites, called European Honeymoon. It was a really cute room. Had a really pretty fireplace, and nice tile work.
The last night we stayed in Nefertitis Court. This room is just gorgeous! It was decorated so beautifully, and like the first night we had a My Comfort bed, and those beds are so comfy. You seriously feel like you are sleeping on a cloud!! It was a good way to end the trip!
Another huge tub!
Isn't that bed so pretty??
So it was so fun! And I'm glad we did it, we needed it. Now we just can't wait to go back and try some of their other rooms. We have a bounce back pass that we are using at the 5th south one in April which will be fun, and then going to a Jazz game. Can you tell we are obsessed? LOL but oh well! We love it!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
A quick glimpse back at the past 5 years....
I know there is to many new posts, but just wanted to do this for me, because I might end up printing this blog out.
2004
2006
2008
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
Happy Anniversary!!
I'm bored waiting for Nate, so I thought this post by my friend Meg was really fun. And I'm bored so I will do it.
I am... Tami, lucky wife of crazy Nate, Aunt to several beautiful kids, baby of family, baby of friends, formal "dolphin dancer", and infertility sufferer.
I think.... this world is so screwed up, and that we are seeing the consequences of years of horrible decisions/actions.
I know... that there is a God, and that there is life after death.
I want... to be happy more then anything. And to have enough to support ourselves financially now and beyond retirement.
I wish... people loved each other the way they used to. That people were more interested in making lifelong friends, and helped each other when they could.
I had... really good friends growing up. Lately I have just felt really grateful for their examples and friendships growing up.
I hate... fruit. Well most of it anyways. I cannot pick peaches when they are ripe. My Father-In-Law is really good at this.
I miss... being in my own place, my Grandma, my best friend Lauri, and being young without hardly any worries.
I fear... bees, spiders, never being a mom, never owning a home, being unhappy and lonely.
I feel... like winter lasts too long. I miss the sun....
I hear... some talk show on TV, and my cats collar bells jingling.
I smell... not a whole lot, thanks to this cold that is on the verge of getting here.
I crave... a Ultimate Omelet from Denny's....? Random....
I search... on google all the time...I am there so many times a day, searching things I'm curious about.
I wonder... what its like to be rich, or at least make enough money that you aren't counting pennies. Never experienced that in my whole life. Hopefully after Nate gets his degree.
I regret... not being a better student in High School, and staying in College, and working hard. And staying in shape, and so many other things....life is littered with regrets I guess.
I love... my Husband Nate, he is my hero. And my Dad, he is my example, all other people who contribute positively in my life, and my kitties. They are good for snuggling on a bad day.
I care... about people's opinions of me to much.
I always... get sick in the Winter. I can't remember the last time I didn't get sick in the Winter...at least Strep has stepped out of my life for the last 2, but this winter was the first time getting bronchitis, and first time ever losing my voice!
I am not... the best version of myself that I could be.
I believe... that people (including myself) focus on themselves and their immediate family (own children/husband) to much. A lot of people don't even care about their extended family/neighbors/friends that often, and I believe its something people will have to answer for when they die.
I could... watch I Love Lucy everyday and still laugh so hard. Same with King of Queens and Everybody Loves Raymond....ahh man there is nothing like laughing.
I dance... with Nate still. And probably will until the day one of us dies. There is nothing like a little romantic candlelight dance.
I sing... way worse then I used to, I have a hard time singing in front of others, but secretly in my heart love to sing, and wish I could do it for a job, though I know I'm not that good.
I don't always... make the right decisions when it comes to money. I am a work in progress and have made leaps and bounds in the last 6 months or so.
I write... like crap. That was always my teachers biggest complaints with me. I would rather type then write something, but then feel at times it makes it impersonal. Oh yes and another one I could have said was I write to much on this blog that maybe 5 people read. But I love all 5 of you! :)
I win... nothing. I have always felt I had bad luck, part of that being my birthday falls of Friday the 13th sometimes. But I'm always sad when I think my bad luck rubbed off on Nate. Because he hasn't won anything since we got married. Its the Cardon gene so my family says, but other people in my family win things! Like one of my cousins who won a Mustang a few years ago...
I lose... my cell phone, keys, wallet and sadly wedding ring/earrings way to often. Its annoying.
I never... listen to news anymore about that Octuplet mom. It makes me so mad, I have told myself its off limits.
I never listen to... rap, country, heavy metal, and half the bands I used to listen to. My music tastes have changed a lot. I love classical, and some movie soundtracks now.
I can usually be found... on the internet. I am always on here, or watching Arthur on TV, or reading a book. Right now its Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (for the 50th time). After I finish that series I will either read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, or try to track down The Chronicle of Narnia series.
I am scared of... being alone when we are older, never having enough money, and what people say about me behind my back.
I need... to learn to find happiness and peace wherever I am, whatever is happening in my life.
I am happy about... leaving tonight for a long weekend with my hubby. We need the time away!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I can really drive myself crazy....makes me feel bad for others!
Today I have just been kind of down in the dumps. And I think just in the last minute or two have put my finger on why. 5 Years. Its a wonderful celebration, and I am glad to be going away and all this weekend. But 5 years. I honestly thought our life together would be different by now. With one little baby, maybe a small house, and the start of a bright future together. But most of the 5 years have been littered with sadness, trials, and disappointment. Not much of a beginning.
Sometimes I wonder why me? I mean, I will admit that some of the things that have happened to us have been from mistakes that we/I have made. But isn't that the story of life? Others make mistakes don't they? Other are learning and growing and making mistakes too aren't they? I just feel like why me? Why does everything have to be so hard? Why does the first 5 years of my marriage have to be littered with such grief, such heartache? Why can't we just have a baby so that I would feel at least one thing was going right for us?
I know this is such a depressing post, but it really brings it in perspective for me why I feel such sadness on the night before a fun weekend with my husband. At times I even feel that he should move on, and find someone that can give him a family, that doesn't have to fight this sorrow and depression that hits from nowhere. But I'm grateful he has stuck it through with me.
Sometimes I just wonder what the purpose of my life is here? I know I have said this before, but I feel like I'm at such a standstill. Then I start to feel well, why aren't I working then? Why am I not getting a career and making things easier on us financially? Its a multi-faceted answer for me because of some other struggles, but I feel that some of the reason is because I feel like I'm giving up. And I'm not sure I am really ready to start living my life childless yet. To me I feel like it will be finally admitting to myself that someday will never happen. It causes me such anxiety....
All I have ever wanted from a very young age was to be a wife and a mother. My dad, who was so wonderful instilled such wonderful and positive feelings about being a mother and a wife and how important that role is. But now I think I feel lost. Like an identity crisis almost. A career just does not interest me in the least. But if I never become a mother, what other choice is there? Its not okay with others out there that I stay home, and a lot of times its not okay with me that I stay home.....its just an endless vicious cycle, that never ends until I finally push it out of my mind and try not to think about it.
I dunno, I have had these thoughts tumbling around in my mind for awhile, which was contributing to my sleeping problems. Technically our 5th "anniversary" of trying to start a family is in April, so there may be some more depression around then again. Oh the joy....
Maybe I will have to convince Nate to take me out for a little retail therapy. Thanks to those people out there that read and encourage me, and surround me with love...sometimes its that love that helps me to face another day. I love all those who contribute to my life in a positive and uplifting way. <3
Sometimes I wonder why me? I mean, I will admit that some of the things that have happened to us have been from mistakes that we/I have made. But isn't that the story of life? Others make mistakes don't they? Other are learning and growing and making mistakes too aren't they? I just feel like why me? Why does everything have to be so hard? Why does the first 5 years of my marriage have to be littered with such grief, such heartache? Why can't we just have a baby so that I would feel at least one thing was going right for us?
I know this is such a depressing post, but it really brings it in perspective for me why I feel such sadness on the night before a fun weekend with my husband. At times I even feel that he should move on, and find someone that can give him a family, that doesn't have to fight this sorrow and depression that hits from nowhere. But I'm grateful he has stuck it through with me.
Sometimes I just wonder what the purpose of my life is here? I know I have said this before, but I feel like I'm at such a standstill. Then I start to feel well, why aren't I working then? Why am I not getting a career and making things easier on us financially? Its a multi-faceted answer for me because of some other struggles, but I feel that some of the reason is because I feel like I'm giving up. And I'm not sure I am really ready to start living my life childless yet. To me I feel like it will be finally admitting to myself that someday will never happen. It causes me such anxiety....
All I have ever wanted from a very young age was to be a wife and a mother. My dad, who was so wonderful instilled such wonderful and positive feelings about being a mother and a wife and how important that role is. But now I think I feel lost. Like an identity crisis almost. A career just does not interest me in the least. But if I never become a mother, what other choice is there? Its not okay with others out there that I stay home, and a lot of times its not okay with me that I stay home.....its just an endless vicious cycle, that never ends until I finally push it out of my mind and try not to think about it.
I dunno, I have had these thoughts tumbling around in my mind for awhile, which was contributing to my sleeping problems. Technically our 5th "anniversary" of trying to start a family is in April, so there may be some more depression around then again. Oh the joy....
Maybe I will have to convince Nate to take me out for a little retail therapy. Thanks to those people out there that read and encourage me, and surround me with love...sometimes its that love that helps me to face another day. I love all those who contribute to my life in a positive and uplifting way. <3
Sunday, February 15, 2009
New Countdown!
As you can see there is a new countdown on the top of our blog. Nate is going to school! I am SO proud of him, and of us for making the sacrifice. And it is going to be a sacrifice because we are paying for everything out of pocket. We don't qualify for financial aid, and we don't want to to do loans so its the only option left. But I know it will be worth it in the end. He only has around 2 semesters until he gets his associates and then on to his bachelors, and he going to be doing 3 semesters a year. I am so proud of him, and excited for this huge change for us.
Wish us luck on this endeavor! :D
Wish us luck on this endeavor! :D
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Our Beginnings : A Memory Lane Post
My SIL Brooke does these every so often on her blog, yes I steal most my ideas from her, because I hardly ever can think of fun things to do. (Thanks Brooke! :) But in honor of mine and Nate's Anniversary in exactly 1 week from now, this is a trip down memory lane starting just over 6 years ago. I am going to be really busy next week, so I just figured now is good.
Nate and I met in January of 2003. I had made friends with his friends Aaron and Ben, andthey had invited me to come to the Weber State Basketball game with them that night along with some of their other friends. They picked me up at my dad's house in Kaysville, and then we were heading to Bountiful to pick up another friend. They, all being gentlemen, let me sit in the front. There was Ben driving, Nate behind Ben and Aaron behind me. Aaron and I were pretty good friends, and he was under the impression that I liked Ben, but I just thought he was nice. Nate had his headphones in, so pretty much I didn't really notice him. Then we got to the library in Bountiful where their other friend worked, and she was finishing up, so we waited outside. In my effort to look "cute" I didn't bring a jacket, and before I knew it, Nate had offered me his coat and put it on. I was surprised because I hadn't ever really been treated that great on dates. So instantly I was curious about this boy. We just sat outside and chatted and then we were on our way to Ogden. Nate put his headphones in again, so I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get to talk to him. Once we got to Ogden and were walking to our seats, I mouthed to Aaron that I wanted to sit by Nate, so I ended up sitting between Aaron and Nate. I just remember how hard my heart was pounding, because I had never really flirted before lol. But we sat talking during the game, and Aaron was just laughing and saying "go cats!" So that became a joke between us. Nate put his arm on the back of my seat and my heart pounded even louder. We walked out to the car together talking and ended up sitting in the backseat together, and talked. Until he got a phone call on his cell from a girl. Great I thought, he's in a relationship. So from about clearfield to my house he talked and talked and talked to this girl. I was really hoping he would walk me to the door and ask for my phone n
umber, but he basically opened the door, said bye, and they drove off. I was kind of devistated. But I called Aaron, and just told him, I liked Nate, and I really wanted to see him again. I decided I would call him the next day, after getting his number from Aaron. So I called Nate, and he said he was just about to call me, because he had just gotten my number from Aaron. So we talked, and he asked me out on a date to a formal dance at the state capital building a few weeks later.
It took Nate quite awhile before he wanted to be "serious". But I knew pretty quickly after we spent some time together, that I was falling in love with him. We were together pretty much everyday after the game, because I made friends with all his friends. (Picture was taken shortly after we met.) The night everything changed was that summer, we went camping up in Ogden canyon with a big group of friends. We were just sitting by the fire talking, and all the sudden Nate came and pulled me away from the fire. We sat a short ways off, and sat down to talk alone. When I ask Nate, he says that was the night he realized he was falling in love with me. I rode in his car on the way back, and he held my hand for the very first time that day. A lot of girls I guess would have given up by then, but I didn't. I knew he was worth waiting for! After that we were boyfriend/girlfriend, and I was waiting for our first kiss. Both of us had never kissed anyone before, so it was a first for both of us, but sometime in the summer the first kiss happened too.
Then the worst thing possible happened. Nate got scared and broke up with me. I was devestated! I heard he had started to "date/hang out" with this other girl I knew, and was just surprised. Imagine my surprise a few days later when her roommate came up to me and t
old me, she didn't think the relationship would last, because Nate was ALWAYS talking about me. When we talk about it now, he says he can see how he was really annoying to her, but it made him realize he was in love with me and loved being with me. And that other girls just didn't hold his interest anymore. So in August we ended up going to a Metallica concert together, he asked me to be his girlfriend again, and I said yes. Things were just perfect and shortly after we were engaged. We set a wedding date for February 19th, I think based on Spring break at school. I knew Nate for over a year before we were married, and I think it has made so much difference, because we can look back on so many different memories together which is fun, but has also been a very good foundation for our marriage.
So we were married on a cold, snowy day. And its 5 years later, and I just am so grateful that I have someone to love, and to love me back. Nate is my hero, my best friend, my soul-mate. I can't imagine loving anyone more then I do him, or being as happy and safe as I feel with him. I am one lucky girl! So Happy Anniversary to us!!
Nate and I met in January of 2003. I had made friends with his friends Aaron and Ben, andthey had invited me to come to the Weber State Basketball game with them that night along with some of their other friends. They picked me up at my dad's house in Kaysville, and then we were heading to Bountiful to pick up another friend. They, all being gentlemen, let me sit in the front. There was Ben driving, Nate behind Ben and Aaron behind me. Aaron and I were pretty good friends, and he was under the impression that I liked Ben, but I just thought he was nice. Nate had his headphones in, so pretty much I didn't really notice him. Then we got to the library in Bountiful where their other friend worked, and she was finishing up, so we waited outside. In my effort to look "cute" I didn't bring a jacket, and before I knew it, Nate had offered me his coat and put it on. I was surprised because I hadn't ever really been treated that great on dates. So instantly I was curious about this boy. We just sat outside and chatted and then we were on our way to Ogden. Nate put his headphones in again, so I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get to talk to him. Once we got to Ogden and were walking to our seats, I mouthed to Aaron that I wanted to sit by Nate, so I ended up sitting between Aaron and Nate. I just remember how hard my heart was pounding, because I had never really flirted before lol. But we sat talking during the game, and Aaron was just laughing and saying "go cats!" So that became a joke between us. Nate put his arm on the back of my seat and my heart pounded even louder. We walked out to the car together talking and ended up sitting in the backseat together, and talked. Until he got a phone call on his cell from a girl. Great I thought, he's in a relationship. So from about clearfield to my house he talked and talked and talked to this girl. I was really hoping he would walk me to the door and ask for my phone n
umber, but he basically opened the door, said bye, and they drove off. I was kind of devistated. But I called Aaron, and just told him, I liked Nate, and I really wanted to see him again. I decided I would call him the next day, after getting his number from Aaron. So I called Nate, and he said he was just about to call me, because he had just gotten my number from Aaron. So we talked, and he asked me out on a date to a formal dance at the state capital building a few weeks later.It took Nate quite awhile before he wanted to be "serious". But I knew pretty quickly after we spent some time together, that I was falling in love with him. We were together pretty much everyday after the game, because I made friends with all his friends. (Picture was taken shortly after we met.) The night everything changed was that summer, we went camping up in Ogden canyon with a big group of friends. We were just sitting by the fire talking, and all the sudden Nate came and pulled me away from the fire. We sat a short ways off, and sat down to talk alone. When I ask Nate, he says that was the night he realized he was falling in love with me. I rode in his car on the way back, and he held my hand for the very first time that day. A lot of girls I guess would have given up by then, but I didn't. I knew he was worth waiting for! After that we were boyfriend/girlfriend, and I was waiting for our first kiss. Both of us had never kissed anyone before, so it was a first for both of us, but sometime in the summer the first kiss happened too.
Then the worst thing possible happened. Nate got scared and broke up with me. I was devestated! I heard he had started to "date/hang out" with this other girl I knew, and was just surprised. Imagine my surprise a few days later when her roommate came up to me and t
old me, she didn't think the relationship would last, because Nate was ALWAYS talking about me. When we talk about it now, he says he can see how he was really annoying to her, but it made him realize he was in love with me and loved being with me. And that other girls just didn't hold his interest anymore. So in August we ended up going to a Metallica concert together, he asked me to be his girlfriend again, and I said yes. Things were just perfect and shortly after we were engaged. We set a wedding date for February 19th, I think based on Spring break at school. I knew Nate for over a year before we were married, and I think it has made so much difference, because we can look back on so many different memories together which is fun, but has also been a very good foundation for our marriage.
So we were married on a cold, snowy day. And its 5 years later, and I just am so grateful that I have someone to love, and to love me back. Nate is my hero, my best friend, my soul-mate. I can't imagine loving anyone more then I do him, or being as happy and safe as I feel with him. I am one lucky girl! So Happy Anniversary to us!!
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