I don't remember if I said anything about the surgery I need to have. But its going to have to wait until January because Nate doesn't have enough days to cover as much time as I will need him here to help during recovery. So I will more then likely have the surgery sometime in January. Hopefully in the beginning part because I want to get going on trying to start our family for real.
I have read some women have been able to concieve off of Met alone, so the possiblity IS still there. But, its a long shot with how riddled with cysts my ovary's are. and the possiblity is there for endo too. But we will keep going, and praying and hope God performs a {MIRACLE} in our lives. I'm trying so hard to have more faith in Him. And believing that I'm not less then others. Because I have SUCH a tendency to do that. I think about being one of those miracle stories you hear about when women have a baby after so long of trying. And I never see myself as being blessed like that. But I think its just my low self-esteem, and my not thinking I deserve things like that.
My mind has been on this subject for like a week. I can't tell exactly what my soul is trying to figure out. But I think I need to start believing in a miracle in my life. I need to hope and never lose that hope even when it seems like the answer is no.
I just so desperately want to be a mom, here on this earth. Sometimes it feels like this desperation in the pit of my soul that just needs to be fulfilled. But, I will keep going. I will keep having Faith.
I have this song on my iPod, and I listen to it quite frequently. It really describes how I feel. The desperation. The strong desire. The pain. The sorrow. The jealousy. Its really the HARDEST thing I have ever been through, and its so hard to keep faith, understand WHY, and feel something SO out of your hands....because, it just is.
Sorry if this post seems like a downer, I'm actually feeling fine, but just wanted to share some of my journey.
I Would Die for That
by Kellie Coffey
No comments:
Post a Comment