4 Days of Grateful

I am going to do a thankful/grateful post for the next 4 days, just to remind myself what I should be thankful for.
Today I am grateful for my cats. I seriously have 2 of the cutest, sweetest, most wonderful furbabies anyone could ask for. And just like kids my little baby girl Angel is spoiled and a Momma's girl. Huey is my big boy. He can be so cuddly at times, but he keeps me on my toes too.
I love being a mommy to these kitties, I have never for one second regretted bringing them into our life. :)

Family P-A-R-T-Y!!

We had a family party for my brother BJ's birthday this past weekend. That kid was my bestest friend growing up, I wish he still lived nearby! He makes me laugh so hard, mostly at myself. :) Here is just a few pictures of the F-U-N!!! :D

The Holidays are here!

For me at least. I started listening to Christmas music alot this week, which is about 1 or 2 weeks later then usual! Hahaha. We haven't been up to much, just the normal everyday life stuff! In fact at this moment, I am not sure why I am blogging. Weird huh?
Halloween was pretty boring. No dressing up or anything for us. We had pizza (oops) and then way to much candy! I will call this Halloween a FAILURE for me, just because I ate way to much!
I am glad for the holidays coming up, but I also know they are kind of a sad time for me. I am hoping I can just stay focused on the wonderful blessing's that God has given to me instead of being sorry for myself and the things I don't have right now. That's why my header says what it does, I want to be Thankful, and remind myself that things could be harder, and worse. But I am truly blessed.
So, there we have it! I am sure it will be awhile before I blog again, because really nothing to blog about. So Happy Thanksgiving! :)

Saturday = Football!!

We were able to spend this last Saturday with my brother and his boys. It was a really fun day, better then our usual Saturday's of asking each other, "what do you want to do?". Two of our Nephews play on a Football team and it was fun to watch them too. Here are just a few pictures of the day.

Us!

Nate was loving watching the games! Football nut!

One of our nephews is the waterboy too! :)

He's 30!

I can't believe my hubby is 30! Seems like just yesterday we were engaged...he is such a big kid in a lot of ways though, so its hard to look at him in his 30s!

He's the love of my life though. My best friend, the only one who could probably put up with me and my baggage. He is a hard worker, and finds pride and joy in putting in a hard days work at whatever he does for an occupation.

He reminds me of how to have the right perspective on life. He is strong and keeps my emotions in check. He has been by my side no matter what I have gone through, ready to do whatever he needs to do to help me out.

He is a lover of video games, a fun and playful Uncle, a loving and caring husband, a music lover, a German speaker, a sports nut, a great hug giver, has a fun sense of humor, rarely laughs out loud but when he does its magical, won't watch scary movies for me, lets me put my ice cold feet on him in the night, Donald Duck loving, guy! And so many more things, but the list was getting long!

Thank you hunny for your love, support, and all that you do for me, every second of the day. But most of all thank you for loving me...its the best blessing I have ever gotten in this life!

Happy Birthday!!!! :D

Blowing out the candles on his slice of cake.

Dinner at the Melting Pot.

Just us having a fun day for his birthday!

The Little Girl Who Saved Me...

During the time of going through my miscarriage, my sister and her littlest one were here visiting. I will be forever grateful they were. I had never met my littlest niece, until right before my miscarriage. We will call her P. She reminded me time and time again that things would be okay, and that I had lots of love to give as an Aunt.

P has so much personality. I don't know what it is with me and my sister's kids, but there is just a special connection there. Instantly she loved me. P would walk into our room and come to my side of the bed and want to be picked up. Then she would grunt towards my computer to start her favorite song Minnie's Bowtique. P would then grab my hands, stand up and proceed to bounce on the bed to the song. It was just enough to bring a smile to my face. The day after the miscarriage, I had a huge meltdown, and just cried and cried on our bed. Eventually hubby brought P in and she sat there and stared at me wondering why my eyes looked so wet, then she reached out and tried to poke them. It was cute. It stopped the crying.

I really believe P saved me from going into a deep depression over the miscarriage. She was the light through all the darkness of the 2-3 weeks that things were hard. It has strengthened my testimony too of God's love for me. I don't know that if my sister and P hadn't been here that things wouldn't have been harder...and how is it that it all worked out to happen when they were both here? I don't believe it was a conicidence. I believe that God loved me so much, He sent me a little light to help me through one of the hardest, saddest, experiences I have ever been through. And someday I will tell little P about it. :)

The Worst Day...

We found out our baby left us today, there was no growth and no heartbeat. We are very devastated...so there will be a noticeable lack of posts. I know everyone will understand, and we appreciate all the prayers and support. I will be back when I am ready to tackle the blogging world.

Change of Perspective...

When I was trying to get pregnant for all those years, I would sometimes hear women that finally got pregnant after years of trying say that it was harder to be pregnant then it was trying to. I never really believed them, until now.
Sure, there were heartaches and tears, and it was a very hard road. A lot of uncertainty and doubt, and worries about the future. But what I have realized over the past few weeks is that those never end even with a baby. There are just new ones. The hardest thing has been for me though, when I don't feel pregnant at all, thinking that something is wrong. My symptoms have been SO mild. Most days I don't feel any different then I did before getting pregnant. And that has been the hardest part. Well, that and the fact that we aren't seeing on the ultrasound what everyone else is that is around the same due date as me. I often just worry and wonder if there is something wrong with this pregnancy, but really there is no way to know. The heart has been beating every time we go in, but we just can't get a good shot of the baby. At this point I honestly thought we would be seeing a little something. But all I see is the flickering heartbeat when the Dr turns the wand a certain way, I don't see anything else....its been hard.
So for me being pregnant has been harder. With trying to get to this point, there were times when I could put it completely out of my mind. Where I could relax and live in the moment, but I am finding it hard to do the same thing with being pregnant. I LOVE being pregnant, but I really think I will love it more once I hit the 2nd trimester and can actually see a little tiny baby in there.
Its going to be a LONG 7 more months for me....and probably Nate too....
Some good news is though, my sister is coming to visit next month, so she should help pass the rest of the time until I'm 12 weeks. I haven't seen in her in about 2 years, so I'm excited to be able to spend time with her and meet my niece for the first time too. :)

Its a MIRACLE!

If you haven't seen my post on Facebook, maybe aren't friends with me on there, you have missed the HUGE announcement.

I AM PREGNANT!!!!

That's right after six long years of hard times, we have been blessed with a little miracle. We were able to see the heartbeat this week and last week. I will be 8 weeks tomorrow, and I'm due January 29, 2011.

There have been some scares, last week I started having really sharp pains on my left side, an ultrasound revealed that for some reason my uterus was contracting. We ended up telling family, and asked them to pray for us. After waiting so long, there is a lot of fear about losing this little one. But I am trying to have Faith over Fear. That's my new motto. And Nate's and my motto is Everything is fine until we are told otherwise.

Today we had another u/s, and found out my uterus is tipped towards my back. It should fix itself as the baby grows. But sadly it prevented us from really getting a good picture of the baby. We were able to see the little flickering heart, but I didn't get to see much more then that. Its not the easiest to see what's all going on, when the baby doesn't want to be seen, and I have to sit up to see what's going on! Nate has to be my eyes, and he said everything looks great.

I have been feeling really good though. Been tired, cranky, a little sick to my stomach every so often, and of course my jeans don't fit anymore. But really, I haven't been that sick at all. In fact most the time I have to remind myself there is a baby in there.

We go back in 2 weeks, and I'm really hoping to be able to get a measurement of the baby and its heartbeat. And of course, ask that people continue to pray for us, God is so good. I feel so blessed by Him, and so grateful for His love for me.

Life, it goes on...

We haven't been up to too much. We went to an Infertility Seminar last week. It was really good, and we learned a lot. Our little Angel had to get spayed yesterday. It was hard as her mommy. I just sobbed and sobbed after left. It was a rough day. But she is doing fine. Sleeping a lot. But I sure do love that cat. :)

Other then that, just enjoying life, praying for warm weather, and getting ready to plant our very first veggie garden. We can't wait!!! :)

Being "Defriended"

I was recently defriended by someone on Facebook. While in some regards I don't care...this person bothered me a lot, and I'm sure I bothered them. We just are the type of people who just really don't get along. I was totally shocked, by something that was a random comment about the earthquake that hit Utah, and they totally had a freak out over it.
While I know its not worth my trouble to worry about it, it makes me feel like I'm not being a good ambassador for my Savior. I try to love everyone, and treat them with dignity and kindness. But I'm not a pushover. I have learned sometimes you have to stand your ground, but still maintain respect for the other person. But I really just wish I would always act the way I know I should. The way that He would be proud of me. I try, but sometimes in my weakness as a learning human being, I make mistakes...okay a lot of times!
I am sure I will let it go, but it always makes me sad to see someone act that way. Especially because I know what it feels like to hold a grudge against someone. The person that you are holding the grudge against never suffers. YOU do. And I know that from personal experience. I wish I could work out our differences, but when the other person slams the door in your face, all you can do is wait until they open it again. It really just makes me grateful for my ability to forgive easy...I have many other flaws, but that was one of the things that Nate said from our early dating days. So I'm not afraid to "boast" about it, but I just don't like holding grudges, or harboring hate for someone...its just not me.
So, warm weather is here!!!!! Yay! I have started walking for exercise and I'm loving it. We are thinking about going up hiking next Saturday, hopefully the weather holds. I miss our Saturday hikes!! Also time to start thinking about our camping trips, which I am SO excited for! Summer is just awesome!!!

The Truth...

I was thinking tonight after watching a little bit of The Mormon's "documentary" on Frontline (PBS), how sad it is that because people can't understand our religion, they close their minds and heart to the truth. Mind you, this show wasn't very fair in my opinion. They were very harsh, made unfounded accusations, and when they would show a negative opinion it was never followed by a positive opinion. They didn't allow anyone to share their belief's about the religion and that is sad.
I would challenge these people to read the Book of Mormon. For one month, live like the gospel was true, and decide for yourself. For me, when I am following God's commandments, and what I know to be true, there is a distinct and obvious change in my life. I'm more optimistic. I feel more confident, and happy, even though right now I feel like I'm laden down with trials. But they truly do become light. That is when I know because of my actions I am having help carrying the burdens and trials that are on my shoulders. I find life in greater abundance, meaning I find joy. I find contentment. My marriage is more happy and fulfilling. I'm less likely to find fault with those around me, especially my husband.
If such wonderful things come from this religion, how can it be bad? It doesn't mean that the members are perfect. But, the gospel absoleutly is. God has restored the true gospel to the Earth. There is no doubt in my mind it is true. He has promised us so many great blessings if we are faithful to Him and endure to the end. The biggest one of those being that our families can be together forever. That we can be married for all Eternity.
I know Joseph Smith saw the Father and the Son when he asked God which church he should join. I know they are 2 seperate beings. Jesus Christ, my brother, has become a personal influence in my life. I know He suffered in Gethsamane to make it possible for me to return to my Heavenly Father one day. My life is totally and completely different with this knowledge.
"And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you by the power of the Holy Ghost."
"And by the power of the Holy Ghost, ye may know the truth of all things." (Moroni 10:4-5)

Stirring the Pot...

Sometimes I think I need to leave the cyber world. I seriously start to much controversy with my opinions I guess. If you are a friend on my Facebook account, you have no doubt seen that I have been stirring the pot. Sometimes I don't think its very Christlike of me. Its probably something that I should learn to control.
But its such a fine line. When you believe there are injustices in the world and you feel the desire to try to fix it, then what? I still don't have an answer. I guess I just need to ask Heavenly Father to help me know when to stir the pot and when to not. You know, pick your battles? And seriously, I have never been that good about that concept...
I will figure it out...but I do believe that sometimes you have to realize you will make others upset in the process of fighting for what's right. Hopefully I still have some friends out there that can look past things they don't agree with, and see me as a person and a Daughter of God. That's the best perspective any and all of us can have.
So, I will try to practice what I'm preaching in this post, and pick my battles...

I'm Superwoman....

At least in God's eyes. I had this thought flicker across my mind the other day. I think back to ALL the things God has put in my path, has brought me through. And I really can't help but feel that He must see some strength in me that I don't see in myself. It really is a comforting thought. I really do wish though at times I could see that strength in myself! It would make things that are placed in front of me easier to confront. I could just tell myself, You are a strong woman. You can do this without breaking a nail!! Sadly I don't always feel that way.
I really can't wait for true Spring and Summer to get here. I love being outside. I love hiking, camping, and all the things that come with summer. Right now that is the biggest thing I am looking forward too.
So here I go, to try to and act like the Superwoman I (apparently) am!! :)

Also just wanted to share this song with everyone...I LOVE it, it really explains my life and situation, and reminds me about learning along the way. Not just being focused on the end result or what we HOPE will be the end result. :)

March Madness

Wow! I haven't posted in over a month! Things have been crazy around here, well not really crazy actually. But, quite annoying. My Dad and I got sick around the beginning of March, and we are STILL both sick. We both got into the Dr this week though, and are both on antibiotics. I'm hoping I start feeling better soon.
Our Anniversary was really nice. It was a quiet night, but memorable. We ate at The Roof in Salt Lake which was nice. I don't think we will ever go there again, but it was fun for a one time thing.
Other then that, life has been quiet lately. Just plugging along. I am really excited for Spring to get here. I'm ready to be outside again, and especially ready to do some camping. We only have one camping trip planned this year so far, but I'm hoping we will be able to go a few more times then that.
I have also set a goal for myself not to bite my nails for the whole month. I told myself if I don't, I can get a manicure in April. It would be my first one ever. :)
Nate's job is going well. He got a raise, and has the potential to get another one this year. We are very hopeful. He's also all set to start school in the Summer. We are both anxious for him to earn his degree so we can hopefully be able to have a better life financially.
That is about it! Nothing much else to report. So, Happy Spring to you all! :)

It's Beautiful...

I have been thinking lately with our Anniversary coming up, what word would I use to describe our marriage? And this is the word I have come up: Beautiful. Why beautiful I asked myself? You look at a painting, or a wedding dress, or nature and there lies beauty. But beauty isn't effortless, or really even flawless. When you look at anything that is considered beautiful it has always come after toil, strife, or hard work.

Marriage is the same way. When we were first married 6 years ago, I honestly was cocky and thought I knew how to be a wife. But the truth is, I didn't. I had no clue how to make my husband happy. Everything that we have done to build the relationship we have now, is after 6 years of work. Learning how to be a husband and wife.
I have felt at times that God was really test our limits, because in the past 6 years we have gone through a lot of things. 6 years of praying and hoping and wishing for our family to get started. Losing countless jobs, struggling with money every day. Having to move in with family, wondering where our future was leading us. But honestly, even in our weakest moments, I can see beauty there. We have come out of our hardest moments stronger, happier, wiser, and most importantly, more in love.

So, I believe my marriage is beautiful. And I can't wait to see what it looks like when I look back on the last Anniversary we will celebrate on this earth, and see how much more beautiful its become.

Look back and Look Forward...

I have see people do this on their blogs, so thought I would start it too.
In January:

Nate
*In January you worked really hard to raise your stats at work. You are getting better at your job and feeling successful.
*You were an awesome husband and totally took care of me after my surgery. It really showed me how much you love me, and care for me. Some of the care wasn't the most fun, but you did it anyway!
*You got to take a whole 4 days off, and I know you enjoyed it for the most part. Especially since I slept for most of it, so you got to do whatever you wanted.
*You got your home teaching done! Wahoo!
*Your love of Lost has grown by leaps and bounds! I love sharing stuff like that together. (John Locke...good or evil??)

Tami
*This month you had your first ever surgery, first ever IV, first ever being put to sleep. It wasn't as bad as you thought it would be, and you feel like you could do it again, but only if you had to!
*You started your very first knitted baby afghan. After trying 3 times, you were finally on your way. Its turning out cute, but sure is a long process with a lot of time invested!
*You decided to get back into scrapbooking (thanks to your friend!) And are excited to get going on it.

Coming Up
*This month we have Valentine's day, and our 6th Year Anniversary! We love celebrating our Anniversary. Its one of our favorite days of the year!
*We also will be going to the Dr for post op and figuring out what to do from here. Probably a scrip for infertility drugs, and we are both hoping I don't go crazy from the side effects. I have already given Nate permission to tell me I'm acting clomid crazy if I am.

So there we have it. The life and times of us! :)

What's new and exciting...

Well, lets see. First of all we hit the new year of course. Nate will be turning 30 this year! Isn't that crazy? He doesn't seem that old. But it makes me feel like we are starting on the downward slope (lol)!
Um, Saturday's are our new date night. We had our first one last Saturday, and it was so nice! We went to Red Lobster for dinner and then just wandered around Wal-Mart. (So fun huh?) We just have one rule. Leave all the problems, worries, serious talks at home. We just get out and have fun, talk and enjoy being together. It was nice. I hope we have another one this weekend, but I am not sure it will happen. Hopefully though.
Next, even though it is infertility related, I am going in for a surgery in 2 weeks. I'm not that excited, but I am excited that it could be moving us forward.
Then this month marks 7 YEARS that Nate and I have known each other. Isn't that crazy??? I can't believe it. But its true. And then next month is our 6th Anniversary. The plan is to go stay at the Anniversary Inn for one night and eat at the Roof. Can't wait for that one.
Nate sent me some flowers today! They are so pretty. He is so thoughtful, and it doesn't hurt that Verizon gives him a discount. :)
Other then that life is just going on! Trying to survive everyday, work through getting our life back together. Hoping and planning for some good things to happen this year. :)

I decided to...

reopen this blog! I figured I needed a place to talk about NOT infertility stuff, so here we are. This will hopefully be a more positive, fun, uplifting blog, so please come back and read this one too. :)