Change of Perspective...

When I was trying to get pregnant for all those years, I would sometimes hear women that finally got pregnant after years of trying say that it was harder to be pregnant then it was trying to. I never really believed them, until now.
Sure, there were heartaches and tears, and it was a very hard road. A lot of uncertainty and doubt, and worries about the future. But what I have realized over the past few weeks is that those never end even with a baby. There are just new ones. The hardest thing has been for me though, when I don't feel pregnant at all, thinking that something is wrong. My symptoms have been SO mild. Most days I don't feel any different then I did before getting pregnant. And that has been the hardest part. Well, that and the fact that we aren't seeing on the ultrasound what everyone else is that is around the same due date as me. I often just worry and wonder if there is something wrong with this pregnancy, but really there is no way to know. The heart has been beating every time we go in, but we just can't get a good shot of the baby. At this point I honestly thought we would be seeing a little something. But all I see is the flickering heartbeat when the Dr turns the wand a certain way, I don't see anything else....its been hard.
So for me being pregnant has been harder. With trying to get to this point, there were times when I could put it completely out of my mind. Where I could relax and live in the moment, but I am finding it hard to do the same thing with being pregnant. I LOVE being pregnant, but I really think I will love it more once I hit the 2nd trimester and can actually see a little tiny baby in there.
Its going to be a LONG 7 more months for me....and probably Nate too....
Some good news is though, my sister is coming to visit next month, so she should help pass the rest of the time until I'm 12 weeks. I haven't seen in her in about 2 years, so I'm excited to be able to spend time with her and meet my niece for the first time too. :)

Its a MIRACLE!

If you haven't seen my post on Facebook, maybe aren't friends with me on there, you have missed the HUGE announcement.

I AM PREGNANT!!!!

That's right after six long years of hard times, we have been blessed with a little miracle. We were able to see the heartbeat this week and last week. I will be 8 weeks tomorrow, and I'm due January 29, 2011.

There have been some scares, last week I started having really sharp pains on my left side, an ultrasound revealed that for some reason my uterus was contracting. We ended up telling family, and asked them to pray for us. After waiting so long, there is a lot of fear about losing this little one. But I am trying to have Faith over Fear. That's my new motto. And Nate's and my motto is Everything is fine until we are told otherwise.

Today we had another u/s, and found out my uterus is tipped towards my back. It should fix itself as the baby grows. But sadly it prevented us from really getting a good picture of the baby. We were able to see the little flickering heart, but I didn't get to see much more then that. Its not the easiest to see what's all going on, when the baby doesn't want to be seen, and I have to sit up to see what's going on! Nate has to be my eyes, and he said everything looks great.

I have been feeling really good though. Been tired, cranky, a little sick to my stomach every so often, and of course my jeans don't fit anymore. But really, I haven't been that sick at all. In fact most the time I have to remind myself there is a baby in there.

We go back in 2 weeks, and I'm really hoping to be able to get a measurement of the baby and its heartbeat. And of course, ask that people continue to pray for us, God is so good. I feel so blessed by Him, and so grateful for His love for me.