Problems sleeping....

I hate when I have issues sleeping. It has been like this all week! One night I didn't get to sleep until around 4 AM. It stinks to because I have been trying to hit the gym in the morning which requires me driving Nate to work between 8 & 8:30 AM. I just don't know what to do, and its driving me crazy. I tried taking one sleeping pill, half the recommended dose. It got me to sleep just fine, but my workout the next morning was SO rough and hard. I was still kind of drowsy. I just don't know what is up with me. Lately its just been a lot of laying in bed and my brain just won't be quiet. I have tried several techinques, but nothing is working. Its so very irritating. And once I get past trying to problem-solve whatever my brain is thinking about, I know my sleeping pattern will be in shambles. Because I will be used to going to sleep so late. So frustrating. I tried sleeping in this morning and then thinking I would hit the gym by now, but I am SO tired.....grrrr. Bodies can be so dumb sometimes! This was a long venting post! Sorry! :)

Why is talking about Infertility/Childlessness so TABOO??

This irritates me to no end. I guess I'm just abnormal, even in the "childless society". I have tried to reach out to numerous people, and have basically had a door slammed in my face time and time again. Nobody seems to want to talk about it, but you seem to find it all the more in the LDS religion. I think that's a big reason why I feel so alone at times. I have wished many times to have another childless couple to just hang out with. Its not like I want us to sit around crying/whining about not having kids. But it would be nice to have another couple who had more available time to go do some fun things. Not to mention maybe a little more money. And that didn't talk about their kids the whole time, you know all those things that come with being a parent. I think Nate and I are destined to be alone for eternity. Our families are pretty much out of the picture too. I mean we get together every so often (meaning maybe 7-8 times a year), but its not like other families either.

I guess one good thing I can say that has been a result of this aloneness, is its caused Nate and I to become best friends. We have learned to rely and lean on each other, instead of others outside the relationship. We have fun together no matter what we are doing, and have had a lot of special times and experiences together. Which makes me sad really for people that have a baby/get pregnant before they hit even the one year mark. They don't know what they are missing with their spouse, and it will be 18+ years till they have time/emotions to figure it out. In that regard I feel so lucky, and in a way glad that it didn't happen as soon as I hoped it would. Now if we could just have at least one kid before I am 35ish, I will be fine. :) Doubt it, but that's okay. Maybe by then I will figure other things out. But one thing is for sure, if things keep going the way they are, Nate and I will be even more in love, even better friends, and had a ton more wonderful and special experiences together. And I don't think that's such a bad thing. ;)

Sometimes I feel lucky....

Like today. Nate and I were able to go and come as we pleased. No worries about children. Lots of flirting, lots of hugs and kisses, it really feels like we are still newlyweds. And I feel lucky! I know I would love to have a child someday, but I can't imagine spending a childless life in any better way then having a wonderful and happy marriage. Some people that have been married around the same amount of time Nate and I have, are already strangers! In this regard I can see the advantage to having a childfree life. My heart will always hurt and long to be a mom. But I feel the desire leaving me as the years go by.
Today was a really good day.
:)

2009, hard to believe!

It honestly seems to me that we just celebrated 2008! But I guess life does seem to speed up as you get older. I can't believe this year I will be turning 26, and Nate 29....I really thought my life would be different at this age, but I guess things don't always turn out the way you planned, in fact I would say most things don't.
We had a really good Christmas. We spent Christmas Eve with Nate's family, and then Christmas Day with mine. We had a lot of fun with both of our families, it makes me grateful for family, and the joy they bring into our lives. We had a neice and nephew stay from Christmas Day until yesterday. We had a lot of fun. We took them sledding on New Year's Eve, where Nate and I started to feel our age (haha), and we spent New Year's Eve with my dad playing a few games and watching I Love Lucy. Very lowkey, but fun.
I hope this year brings about some good things in our life. I'm scared it won't, but I am hoping and praying a lot that financially we can get things worked out, and be able to move out. And crossing my fingers, by summer. Its getting to the point where we are thinking some not so fun options, such as Nate joining the Air Force, and things of that nature, which scare me to death. At the same time though, no one seems to really understand that we are really stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wish I could go on a game show. If I could just win 10,000 dollars we would be out of debt and able to move out and move on....but no such luck! But we shall see what happens from here. Sad that school isn't more of an option for people too, Nate can't go unless we pay for 2-3 semesters ourselves...and that's not going to happen off of 12 bucks an hour...sorry. Well, we will see what the year brings. At least we are together, and I guess that's what really is important. So here's to figuring things out in 2009! Hope everyone's year is wonderful and blessed!