Thought I would just quickly update...

I haven't done a true update for awhile, so I thought I would just say what has been going on for us. For the 4th of July we had a really quiet relaxed day at home. We had a BBQ with my dad and some of my siblings, then we watched the fireworks from my dad's front yard. We bought some fireworks that we let off after too which was fun. Nate likes fire a bit to much!
Last Saturday we rode the Frontrunner down to SLC, and saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at the Megaplex in the Gateway mall. It was REALLY fun! We had lunch there afterword and it was really good. It was a fun day, nice to get out and do something different. It only cost us 10 bucks to ride the frontrunner/trax there so we might do it again in the next couple of weeks. We both really loved the movie. We agree its the best in the series so far. And now we are excited to see it again, buy it, and for Deathly Hallows!
They played the New Moon trailer before the movie and it made me SO excited. My heart was pounding for some reason. It wasn't the first time I had seen the trailer, but seeing it on the big screen made me so excited!
Nate's job is going really well. He really is motivated to work really hard and hopefully move up in the company. He will be going back to school sometime, we are hoping for spring but it is sounding like it might be summer before he goes. We now have health insurance which is a big relief for us, and so I will be going in probably in August to see a Gyno and get started on some testing. I am really not very excited, but it will be nice to have some answers.
My mother's grandparents came and visited for a couple of days with my uncle and aunt. It was nice to see them, but sad at the same time. My grandma is suffering from Alzheimer's. It makes me feel like I should have tried harder to ask her things about my mom before her mind went. She doesn't know anyone, doesn't remember anything, and basically just sits there looking confused. Its really hard to see, and it has been really hard on my Grandpa. Like the movie The Notebook, its very similar to that. They have been married for 60 years, and my grandma doesn't remember him at all. She refuses to sleep in the same bed as him, and won't let him help her do anything. Eventually it will get to the point where she can't speak, or do things such as brush her teeth etc. Its already getting to that point she can't really even process simple instructions. It really is such a sad disease. I hope I don't get it when I'm older, but you never can tell what will happen. It would just break my heart to not remember Nate....
Other then that, things are just going along! We are hoping to have a little getaway in September for Nate's birthday to the Anniversary Inn, so I hope that will happen. It will be nice to get away over night. Then we are hoping that his bonus is big enough in February to make a spring/summer trip out to Disneyland to utilize having 2 weeks paid vacation! So we will see what happens over the months.
Well that's about it. Summer is half over already, its crazy how time flies by! :)

Will my marriage survive this? Will I survive this?

Infertility. Will I survive? Will my marriage survive? Have I finished grieving? Will it ever get better? Will I ever feel complete? Will I ever feel happy? Will it ever not cross my mind during the day? Will my marriage ever feel normal again? Will my husband stay married to me? Will he secertly be resentful? Will he be unhappy the rest of his life? Will we find joy through other means? Will I ever have a support group? Will I ever have a consistent friend who understands and cares about me even though I'm not a mom? Will I ever be understood and cared about the way others my age are because they are moms? Will I ever be as important? Will I ever stop being angry at God? Will I ever feel His love for me, despite my flaws? Will I learn to love Him and accept Him despite my reaction to scream out why? Will I learn to love myself as a woman? Will I ever feel like a woman again? Will my husband and I still enjoy and love each other in 50 years? Will my house echo with silence forever? Will I always feel like I am missing out on the best experience this life has to offer? Will my arms always ache to hold my babies? Will it always be hard to walk through the baby section at the store? Will it always hurt to find out someone I know is pregnant? Will I always want to cry when I think about it? Will the pain ever stop? Will it ever end? Will it ever let up?

Will I survie this?? How can I survive this?? I really don't have any answers....