...I would be still trying to have a baby after 5 years.
...my first ultrasound would be me on the table choking back tears, and hearing a diagnoses of PCOS.
...I would learn how to push away tears.
...I would be shunned by others who are trying to have a family..
...animals could save your life.
...I would come to love my nieces and nephews as my own children.
...my friends would not be a part of my life.
...marriage could be as hard as it is. But also as good.
...I would feel a drive so strongly for something I would have the most stupid, insane, and desperate thoughts at times.
...I would care about the needs of others more then myself.
...I would ever move back home after I got married.
...life is as hard as it really is.
...I would sometimes wish my husband had never met me, so that he could quite possibly be a daddy.
...my mind would dwell on one subject so long that it becomes routine.
...taking 4 pills, 2 times a day would make me gag.
...Infertility would change my life.
...your family, could be the one to hurt you the most.
...the love of your family could save your life.
...I would feel God's love as much as I have in the past 5 years.
...I would learn the church is true as much as I do now.
...I would never get comments to my blogs. (LOL couldn't help throwing that in!) :)
Saturday, October 31, 2009
The {TaStE} of Chocolate Cake....
This story, spoke right to my heart and soul. You will not regret reading it. Even if you don't suffer from infertility, you can take something from it. Even just to identify with those who are suffering from it.
http://weareallmothers.blogspot.com/2009/10/infertility-and-dessert.html#comments
http://weareallmothers.blogspot.com/2009/10/infertility-and-dessert.html#comments
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Confessions of a {MoViE}-Holic
Yep that's right. That is me standing next to our DVD's. I couldn't believe we had so many they stacked higher then me!
{SiDeNoTe} : This came crashing down about 20 minutes later. And {GrEaT} was the fall, thereof.
{SiDeNoTe} : This came crashing down about 20 minutes later. And {GrEaT} was the fall, thereof.
On another Sidenote, please pardon our dust. Construction zone ahead.
(Translation: Please ignore the mess!)
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I would {DiE} for that.....
I don't know where this post is going to go. I swear this medication I am on makes me SO scatter brained. Sometimes I can't remember what I'm doing at the moment. But its probably my fault because I think I let my blood sugar get to low. I wait to long in between eating.
I don't remember if I said anything about the surgery I need to have. But its going to have to wait until January because Nate doesn't have enough days to cover as much time as I will need him here to help during recovery. So I will more then likely have the surgery sometime in January. Hopefully in the beginning part because I want to get going on trying to start our family for real.
I have read some women have been able to concieve off of Met alone, so the possiblity IS still there. But, its a long shot with how riddled with cysts my ovary's are. and the possiblity is there for endo too. But we will keep going, and praying and hope God performs a {MIRACLE} in our lives. I'm trying so hard to have more faith in Him. And believing that I'm not less then others. Because I have SUCH a tendency to do that. I think about being one of those miracle stories you hear about when women have a baby after so long of trying. And I never see myself as being blessed like that. But I think its just my low self-esteem, and my not thinking I deserve things like that.
My mind has been on this subject for like a week. I can't tell exactly what my soul is trying to figure out. But I think I need to start believing in a miracle in my life. I need to hope and never lose that hope even when it seems like the answer is no.
I just so desperately want to be a mom, here on this earth. Sometimes it feels like this desperation in the pit of my soul that just needs to be fulfilled. But, I will keep going. I will keep having Faith.
I have this song on my iPod, and I listen to it quite frequently. It really describes how I feel. The desperation. The strong desire. The pain. The sorrow. The jealousy. Its really the HARDEST thing I have ever been through, and its so hard to keep faith, understand WHY, and feel something SO out of your hands....because, it just is.
Sorry if this post seems like a downer, I'm actually feeling fine, but just wanted to share some of my journey.
I Would Die for That
by Kellie Coffey
I don't remember if I said anything about the surgery I need to have. But its going to have to wait until January because Nate doesn't have enough days to cover as much time as I will need him here to help during recovery. So I will more then likely have the surgery sometime in January. Hopefully in the beginning part because I want to get going on trying to start our family for real.
I have read some women have been able to concieve off of Met alone, so the possiblity IS still there. But, its a long shot with how riddled with cysts my ovary's are. and the possiblity is there for endo too. But we will keep going, and praying and hope God performs a {MIRACLE} in our lives. I'm trying so hard to have more faith in Him. And believing that I'm not less then others. Because I have SUCH a tendency to do that. I think about being one of those miracle stories you hear about when women have a baby after so long of trying. And I never see myself as being blessed like that. But I think its just my low self-esteem, and my not thinking I deserve things like that.
My mind has been on this subject for like a week. I can't tell exactly what my soul is trying to figure out. But I think I need to start believing in a miracle in my life. I need to hope and never lose that hope even when it seems like the answer is no.
I just so desperately want to be a mom, here on this earth. Sometimes it feels like this desperation in the pit of my soul that just needs to be fulfilled. But, I will keep going. I will keep having Faith.
I have this song on my iPod, and I listen to it quite frequently. It really describes how I feel. The desperation. The strong desire. The pain. The sorrow. The jealousy. Its really the HARDEST thing I have ever been through, and its so hard to keep faith, understand WHY, and feel something SO out of your hands....because, it just is.
Sorry if this post seems like a downer, I'm actually feeling fine, but just wanted to share some of my journey.
I Would Die for That
by Kellie Coffey
Monday, October 12, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
And I think to myself, what a {WONDERFUL} World....
Today is a day for {Gratitude}. As most of you know, I went camping with my family this past weekend. Besides it being {FrEEEEzing} cold, it was a trip that really was placed in my life at the right time. God is good. God is amazing, and our Savior could not have created a more beautiful world for us to live in. I feel truly blessed to feel His presence in my life, and am so {Grateful} for a loving Father who blesses me with life everyday.
As we were traveling through Mt. Timpanogos cave, our tour guide said many times something to the effect of, you can find beauty here. But it all depends on your {perspective}. You will see ugly in the world, or you will find beauty surrounding you no matter where you are, if you just change your perspective. And how true it is!
At first {glance} this cave was not something some people would describe as beautiful. But to me it was. The whole vacation was beautiful. From the rocky mountains that surrounded our campground, or the green, orange, and red trees dotting the whole canyon. To the flow rock inside the beautiful little cave we walked through, and the laughter of my family as we {attempted} to play Bop-it extreme.
It reminds me of a song we used to sing at girl's camp when I was younger:
How beautiful is the green earth,
The stars in the heaven above,
Oh what would the world be like,
if we didn't have {Family} to love.
Here are just a few pictures from our trip. Nate took the most of them, and he's getting really good at taking pictures!
As we were traveling through Mt. Timpanogos cave, our tour guide said many times something to the effect of, you can find beauty here. But it all depends on your {perspective}. You will see ugly in the world, or you will find beauty surrounding you no matter where you are, if you just change your perspective. And how true it is!
At first {glance} this cave was not something some people would describe as beautiful. But to me it was. The whole vacation was beautiful. From the rocky mountains that surrounded our campground, or the green, orange, and red trees dotting the whole canyon. To the flow rock inside the beautiful little cave we walked through, and the laughter of my family as we {attempted} to play Bop-it extreme.
It reminds me of a song we used to sing at girl's camp when I was younger:
How beautiful is the green earth,
The stars in the heaven above,
Oh what would the world be like,
if we didn't have {Family} to love.
Here are just a few pictures from our trip. Nate took the most of them, and he's getting really good at taking pictures!
Top: This is right in our campground. This stream was so nice to fall asleep to at night!
Bottom: Inside the cave. 
Top: The heart of a Katana (not sure of the spelling).
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