Obviously things are quiet around here. Nate's shift changed on Sunday, so we are in a transition time period right now. Its been hard, but I'm just grateful that Nate has a job. So many out there don't.
Honestly, I don't know how often I am going to update. I really don't have much to say, so yeah. I feel like I don't "fit in" in the world anymore. No one understands my life, and honestly I don't understand most anyone else's. I feel like I'm such a negative person now. I didn't used to feel that way. Life has just been full of negative stuff for me, and honestly I have no idea how to turn it around. Don't get me wrong. I am so happy in my marriage, I love my 2 cats, and I have an amazing family. But I feel like my life is paused. I have felt like that for almost a year now. And it feels like it doesn't get any better. My biggest concern in my life right now is our car. We are trapped in this loan, with no funds to get us out, and then car isn't even worth half of what's left on the loan. There is something wrong with, and guess what! No money to fix it! Story of my life. I am so worried about it breaking down and making it so we have to push Nate's school again, now he's going to Weber State hopefully in the Spring semester. But we have to scrounge up around 600 dollars in just a matter of months. So we will see.
I know that alot of people in my life would say that I "created my own reality". Yes. Thank you. That doesn't help one bit. What happens when you are trying everything that you possibly can to turn things around, but nothing works? I honestly don't know. We want to move out. But we both realize that Nate's schooling would have to be postponed for the forseeable future. And neither of us are willing to do that. I could work, but I still don't have my anxiety under control. I have put my resume into some places, but with my work history I am never going to get hired unless someone gives me a chance. So I don't know. I just don't know how we can turn our life around...we just hit one rough patch after another.
Sorry, I am going on and on. But I just wanted to say, I really doubt I will update much anymore. I just don't have a life people care about, and that's okay. I'm not good with words, I don't captivate people, and that's okay too. I imagine my life to just be a quiet one, and being only of consequence to those around me. I will still leave the blog open, in case I ever feel like updating it, but it probably will be months between posts.
So TTFN, and happy life to you all! :)
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