Yeah I have been seriously MIA. I don't know why really. Things have been crazy/sad/hard like normal, and sometimes it gets tiresome! One of the things that has happened, is Nate's grandmother passed away. She hasn't been doing so well for awhile, but it still reminds you of how quickly people leave this life. Another is they have cut Nate's hour back to 35 a week. They are hoping it lasts only 2 weeks, but if it doesn't I really don't know what to do after that. Its hard when you just don't know the future. And its hard to have the cut hours PLUS having to miss a day of work (not paid) for a funeral. Just a bit of a rough patch.
But Easter is such a good time. The promise of hope, of life, of beauty. I love this time of year. I especially love the significance that Easter has held for me, most of my life. I think of my Savior and His resurrection and I just want to shout for joy. To think of being able to see my mom, my grandma again means so much for me, and I am reminded of that on Easter Sunday.
I am really just hoping that the trials I have had in my life, mold me into the person I'm supposed to become. Sometimes holiday's like this are hard. Especially if the holiday centers around children. Sometimes I can't help but feel, where is the hope for us? If the path we see before us, is the path our life will take, where will be the daily reminder of our legacy here? When we die, our names, our life, our dreams and goals and accomplishments will die with us. Its a hard thing to look in the future and see an empty life. Not only that, but to see the heartache that has been a constant companion in the past 3 years or so, and see it continuing until our dying day. People that can have children really are lucky, they escape something that is a never ending hurt. Though they have moments of trial themselves with children I am sure, the moments of pure joy, of looking at their children and remembering what its all about, have such a precious gift.
But I am grateful for God's gift to me in the form of Niece's and Nephews. I feel sorrow for women I know that have no family, no children in their life. There are times when I feel comforted by my siblings children, especially my sister's kids. It can at least dim the pain. Sometimes seeing kids really hurts. Sometimes it reminds me of what I probably will never have, or what I want so bad and can't have. Other times it helps to heal my heart and soul.
I don't know why this post took this turn, maybe I just needed to get it out of my system. I don't know! But I am also grateful for the promise of our Savior. That He will help us carry our loads, and when I look back, I can see Him carrying me through the trials I have had.
Nate and I have been hitting the gym pretty hard. Its been nice to work on something like this together. But this last weekend it all turned to mush. We ate bad, we ate to much...it was horrible. But today I'm turning it around before it gets to bad. At least for me. Nate doesn't really NEED to lose weight, though I am hoping its helping his blood pressure.
Anyhow, this is a long post, and I'm not even sure anyone checks my blog anymore. But I guess the important thing is its therapeutic to me and that's what matters. Til next time!
2 comments:
I check your blog! I love when you update it. :) I hope things get better with Nate's work! And I hope you guys are doing well! We miss you here.
hey Tam... You know what, it's nice to hear what's up with you, the good, bad, the bold, the beautiful. I think a lot of people spend more time on facebook, so it seems that people don't do blogs as much. Keep updating us. Much love.
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