Another tag....

I realize I did a tag last post, but I have been tagged like 5 times or so to do this. Bascially # of things about you. So to appease it all, I will do the 50 one. LOL. I hope this isn't offensive to anyone, because you are supposed to be honest. And I have to say sorry too because a lot of it is negative. So really if you don't want to read that's cool. Its more a release for me anyway. :) So here is the 50 things about Tami:

1- I love most every animal. I can't stand to watch those commercials with the song Angel playing because the dogs look so sad....I almost cry everytime I watch them. Even thinking about it makes me sad.
2- I love movies. I will watch most any movie, as long as its not rated R, or really just stupid crude humor. I do sort of like chick flicks, but I prefer the Marvel comic, and adventure movies over chick flicks.
3- I have 16 (soon to be 17 in April) Nieces and Nephews. I love each and every one of them, and love spending time with them all.
4- I have two cats, and would probably have more animals if I lived in my own house. I love my kitties, and don't even really remember what life was like before them.
5- I don't get along with girls very well, I never have. I have a hard time making and keeping friends especially if they are girls.
6- I am really scared of Spiders and Bees. I run away from bees, and refuse to buy anything, or use anything yellow. Spiders just creep me out, I will kill them and stuff, but yuck!
7- I wonder most everyday, what my life would be like if my Mom had won her battle against cancer. I usually think I would be a better, nicer, smarter, more beautiful person.
8- I'm addicted to TV and Video Games. Bad habits for sure, but it kills time sometimes.
9- I don't recognize myself before about 5 years ago. When I look at pictures of myself before that, I can't really even remember being that person. She was a lot happier, with a lot of less things weighting on her mind. I get glimpses of her at times, but most the time, I feel like a totally different person.
10- I usually don't feel like anyone gets me. I feel like I'm living such a different life then everyone around me. Sometimes I feel like I am under a magnify glass, and that people are doing experiments on me to see how hard they can push a person before they crack....weird huh?
11- I am pretty positive I will never be a mom. And it has changed my world, and not in a good way. Its a perspective on life most other people will never experience, and will never understand.
12- I have developed anxiety. Its started to get under control lately, which I am so glad for, but it makes it hard to leave my house. Its a crappy feeling, and most people think I make up that I have it.
13- I love to read. I love to escape reality and be in a world where my trials and burdens don't exist.
14- I miss playing the piano. I haven't had much desire to play a lot, and my "skills" are starting to weaken. I wish I would practice as much as I used to.
15- I love to listen to music. I love to sing to music, but it annoys people so I don't do it very often. I never stick on one certain genre long though. I used to love boy bands but all most can't stand them anymore.
16- I hate most every fruit. Give me ANY veggie though and I will probably eat it, and if I have never had it, I will at least try it. I love spinach, peas, and brussel sprouts too!
17- I love to make people laugh. I think its probably something in my genes, but I say random things, and people laugh. Its a good feeling, especially because no one can make you laugh like yourself!
18- I love to exercise. No one would guess that by looking at me, sadly, but once I get on a routine I love the feeling of exercising and feeling healthy.
19- I roll my eyes a lot....
20- I love Disney. All though lately my passion for it is dwindling. I still like to go to Disneyland, but I think a lot of the magic has gone out of it, and it makes me sad.
21- I have taught myself how to stop from crying. I have gotten a tough skin, and its actually hard to get me to cry. I do every so often, but most the time, my feelings are trapped inside. I have learned how to paste on a fake smile, and pretend like I'm happy. But for people that are extremely close to me, and I can let my guard down with because I feel safe, they get the waterworks, and feelings. But only occasionaly.
22- I love my big brother (BJ) a lot. I miss being close to him, and consider him one of my best friends even though we don't talk as much as I wish we could. He's an awesome brother though, and I'm glad he was there for me growing up. (I love my other brothers too, just me and BJ were always thrown together)
23- I really admire my Dad. He's a kind person, and I love talking to him. I wish I could be like him in so many ways.
24- I don't go to my mom's grave as often as I should. Its too hard for me. Something about being a motherless childless daughter makes my mom's death all most like it happened yesterday. Its been hard not to become bitter, and a lot of times I feel I am heading that way.
25- Nate is the best thing that ever happened to me. Even though I feel like I'm living in my own little world sometimes, the nights he's been able to hold me, have literally saved my life.
26- I LOVE Christmas! I start listening to Christmas music in October. I play Christmas music on the piano year round. I vaguely remember my mom at Christmas and its the few memories I do remember about her. I think I got my love for Christmas from her.
27- I have always wanted a Volkwagon Beetle. I still do, as long as its not yellow. *Bees*
28- I would love to travel. But don't think I will ever set foot off the USA.
29- I would love to visit the historic sites out East of the LDS Church. I hope to travel there one day.
30- I am obsessed with pioneers. I have all the seasons of Little House on the Prarie on DVD, and I asked for a bonnet for my 14th Birthday. I have been to the LDS Church museums in Salt Lake to many times to count, and will probably go thousands of more times before I die.
31- I have a fear that we will never own our own house. I want desperately to be a home owner.
32- I also have a fear that I will get Breast Cancer. I don't know if I could get a masectomy. I all most think I would rather die most the time.....
33- I get along with Single people the best. My friend Lauri and I are a prime example of that. There is a lot of the same feelings associated with being single and childless in our society and my religion. Its nice to have someone to talk to. (Luv ya Laurs!)
34- I love to be outdoors. But I don't like to be outdoors alone. I love to just sit and breathe in the fresh air and I love to camp. I am hoping Nate and I will be able to make it to Green River next summer.
35- I usually feel like I was born in the wrong era. I love everything about the 50s and 60s. I love the music, the TV shows, the clothes, everything. It was a really good time in American history to live.
36- I have seen every episode of I Love Lucy more then once. I still laugh my head off, and think it was probably one of the best TV series EVER.
37- I am having a really hard time thinking of other things to say....
38- I love to take pictures of people. I am still a beginner for sure, but I'm learning. I love everything about Weddings. But I'm not sure I could follow through with photographing them, because in a lot of ways it makes me feel sad.
39- I feel like my life is at a standstill. I feel like everyone around me is moving on, and having new and wonderful experiences and my life has stopped dead in its tracks. I age of course, but I have met the end of my adventures.
40- I worry about and miss my sister most every single day.
41- I often wonder why people are so mean, and why they can't accept people for who they are. If we were all the same, life would be so boring....but then at times I wish I could be like everyone else.
42- I like to mess around on my computer. I especially like Photoshop. Its fun. Its usually open on my computer with something going on in it.
43- I still like to play with little kids toys. I was playing Littlest Pet Shop with my niece this weekend. Its fun.
44- I get sick a lot. I get strep throat all most every year. If anyone around me is sick, I get sick too.
45- I hate having bare feet. I always have socks on, mostly because I have really dry feet. Dry feet on blankets. EWWWWW.
46- I have to have a blanket of my tummy when I sleep. Even if its really hot. I can't sleep without one.
47- Angel one of my cats, only sleeps with me. She either sleeps on me or right next to me. Its cute and comforting.
48- I get onery when my house gets really dirty. I can't stand it. And nothing else will make me happy until my house is cleaned.
49- I have learned over the past 4 years, that I can't ever assume I understand how someone else feels. I have to remind myself of that, but I have learned that behind a smile there can be a broken heart. I wonder sometimes if people are hurting but I'm to shy and self concious to help if its a stranger.
50- Only in the past 4 years have I really learned what its like to ask my Savior for help to carry a very heavy burden. He has healed my heart and soul so many times, and I rely on my faith that He truly understands my sorrows. I struggle to rely on Him, and wish my faith was stronger. But I'm grateful for His help through my life.

Well, that's me in a nutshell. Its hard to answer those questions because I don't really even understand myself and my feelings half the time anymore, but oh well. Its still nice to let some of those thoughts out! :P